Beauty Under The Skin
by JrockSpam's Requested Fics
Summary: Hitsuki
1. Pretty Intriguing

_**Summary:**__Ruki was never one for letting people see him without his make-up on. Feeling embarrassed by the features he hates, Ruki hides his natural look with heavy paint. So how did Hitsugi manage to see his naked skin?  
The guitarist finally tells the world of the secret relationship he had/has with the singer and how he knocked down Ruki's wall to his natural self. But after giving everything they have and showing their vulnerabilities to each other, will they finally end up together? Or did Ruki never feel the same way as Hitsugi…_

He was prettier than any girl you could ever lay your eyes on. His small brown eyes were always widened and stretched by liner and thick black mascara. His perfectly shaped lips emphasized by ruby red or brown and gold lipstick. Bronze and light brown blusher was spread across his face to give him a healthy, tanned glow. He dusted foundation on his hands and neck too. Why he wanted to hide such beautiful porcelain skin, I'll never know. Why would he want golden skin when he had such beautiful, natural snowy skin? I swear if he just got rid his fake golden tan, dyed his hair back to its original silky black, he'd look like Snow White- only better in so many ways and far more pretty. He didn't need the ruby red lipstick when he had his natural china face on show. He was so pale that his lips already looked a fascination shade of pink; Almost neon.

Notice that _he_ is a_ he_.

_He_ is prettier than any girl  
_He_ has snow-white skin  
and_ he_ could be snow white.

But only the rare people knew what Ruki really looked like underneath the make-up and clothes. He wasn't beautiful like he was in make-up with the fancy suits. Natural Ruki was strangely alluring, almost odd to look at, at first. But, believe me; you will change your mind of him so fast.

Well, so I've been told.

My reaction was far different.

But then, my first sighting of the natural him, wasn't from an old photograph like many fans had seen. It wasn't from accidently walking in on him in his dressing room either. No, nothing like that.

I could give you the short story, but I don't think you'd get the message and the emotions of everything. From the beginning is always the best place to start, not half way through.

It all started when I was 18. That's when I first met Ruki, but then again he wasn't Ruki yet. Confused? I'll explain -  
He was no longer who he started out in life as, Takanori, but was becoming what me and him called 'the in between time'. To make it more simple to understand, he was just starting in the music scene, not yet in his famous band The GazettE, and went by a different name, along with a different musical position. Kihiri, as he was then known, was the drummer for a band that opened for us in the early days. Originally, my band mates and I weren't actually going speak to our opening band that night. We were too busy getting ready for the concert. Actually, that was and is a lie. The truth is we were tired boys who just couldn't be bothered with any kind of conversation where you had try hard. We couldn't be bothered with introductions. Sakito and Ni-ya had got ready in a flash, dashing out the dressing room to speak to our van driver. When I say speak, I guess I should say complain, after all, he had almost made us late from our own show along with almost crashing us into a wall when he was trying to- I'm going off topic! Anyway, Ruka, our drummer, was ready before them, but hung back to mess around with Yomi and myself. Once Yomi was ready though, he wasn't prepared to hang about for me. They headed off to where and for what true reason I don't know and back then I didn't care. I carried on applying my heavy make-up. I was almost ready. My blonde, messy hair was straightened, back combed and sprayed into place, my leather jeans were tightly on, my feet still left bear and lightly chilled. I hadn't yet pulled on my upper garments, simply hiding my 3rd degree scarred sided with a black towel. I tut to myself as the eyeliner pencil goes exactly where I didn't want it to, leaving a black line down my cheek. With a sigh, I turned the line into a sharp, triangular point and carried on applying make-up.

"Does having so much metal on your face make you slouch forward when you walk?" came a flat voice I didn't recognise.

I gasped, dashing round quickly to look at the door. Standing in front of it, leaning on it lazily, was a kid about my height and age with heavily jelled blue hair, set into four spikes that swung across the side of his face. He stood with his own head tipped forward, his arms hanging loosely by his side, one foot pressed against the door. Considering his rude, random question, he didn't look aggressive or like the type of kid who would bully. He looked somewhat meek, but something about the way his eyes stared straight into me, not twitching an inch, told me this character was completely aware and confident in himself.

"It's not metal" I squeaked out nervously, my hand rushing to finger the two lip spikes and lip ring. Sometimes I can't remember why I was so shy back then "They're silver"

"Same thing" The boy shrugged, his eye lids hanging low and a tiny smirk on his black and gold lips.

"You are the rhythm guitarist of Nightmare, right?" he asked me, sounding confident, but a slither of insecurity slipping in.

I nodded nervously "Uh huh…"

"Hitsugi?"

I swallowed and gave him a nod for a reply "And… uh… Who are you?"

"I'm from the band that's opening for you tonight" he explained, smiling through his equally heavy make-up.

"No offence, but I guessed that" I mumbled, pulling the towel tighter round myself to hide the burns that stole my self-confidence…

"I'm the drummer" the kid carried on with a snort almost in disgust "Hell, I can play, but trust me when I say I don't belong at the back of the stage."

"Oh really" I muttered, chewing my two lip rings agitatedly.

"nah" he paused "Doesn't matter though. I'm doing what I love" his eyes finally laid themselves on me "Like you"

Our eyes met each other's, locking instantly and awkwardly. For minutes we stared back at each other, doing nothing more. His face softened as his brown eyes, contactless, stared into my own. He blinked like crazy, looking away as if he was embarrassed, losing his cool.

"umm…"

He wasn't as confident as he was acting… With his nervous glancing and loss for words, his cool was broken, and the little self-confidence I had rose as high as it could stretch. I quickly stood up, still holding the towel round my side and went to stand right in from of him, nose to nose in fact. The towel slipped slightly, revealing a shocking amount of the scar. I quickly recovered myself, taking a glance up to see the guy staring wide eyed, but quickly relaxing his face, suddenly unfazed.

"Why did you sneak in here?" I demanded abruptly, throwing away all the politeness I usually held.

He shrugged "I wanted to meet you" he told me flatly.

I blinked, forgetting my status "why?"

"I wanted to see if the scariest person was really all that scary" the boy gave a small, shy half smile "You're not scary at all…" he took a step closer to me, looking at me up and down "I thought you'd be…" he paused, thinking deeply "More like me in a way… I actually dreaded that. But you seem… so different…"

I scowled at him, pouting whilst out of pure habit. _Different? What's that supposed to mean? Is he insinuating that I am a freak or something? Or is he saying I seem nice? No, he got a glimpse of the scar- he can't be thinking me all sweet and innocent- cause I'm not!_ I wasn't one to trust other's so easily, and this odd character referring to me as 'different' wasn't about to get any trust at all if he kept on the way he was going. He shifted slightly, holding his head higher and taking a deep breath, before relaxing his head down.

"Look… " he breathed in deeply through his teeth pearly teeth "Fancy going for a drink after the show?"

I blinked again. I remember the thought of 'what's with this guy?!' running round in my head like crazy, but now I know the really Ruki and everything is just… It's just 'so different'. His whole sudden loss of confidence was uncomfortable, making me a little unsure. But I always gave people a chance.

"Alright…" I agreed, feeling like I couldn't deny the offer "But I'd prefer it if I knew who you are exactly beforehand" I smirked slightly, trying to look as cool as I could. Which, to be honest, wasn't very cool…

He giggled "Ah…. Probably should have said that earlier" he took a step back and stretched out a hand.

"Kihiri no Ma'die Kusse" he said proudly.

"As you know" I took a firm grip of his hand "Hitsugi no Naitomea"

And that was the strange start. I don't know why I agreed to go for a drink with the guy. I think it was because he intrigued me. I'd only just met him and yet I already admired him. Then again, I think he returned the admiring. In fact, I know so.

As soon as I re-introduced myself, someone outside called out that Ma'die Kusse was due on stage. I remember walking out with Kihiri/Ruki and seeing his band standing in a huddle. I don't know what happened to one of the guitarists since that band split. I've heard nothing of him. I know the lead singer still. He's not exactly a friend, but we know each other. He's thrown away the blood-covered robes and the stage name of Tetora and now goes by Jekyll. He's actually quite important to how I managed to tear away the walls and paint that surrounded Ruki and scramble through the rabble to find Takanori underneath. The other two guitarists are in Ruki's currently, and last, band.

We agreed to meet outside round the back after my band had performed. So, once we were finished, I quickly rushed to the dressing room and pulled off my clown-like costume with one hand while brushing my hair with the other hand. I can remember being a little excited. I used to be terrible at making friends on my own; At least back in those days. Now, I find it easier then walking, but back then it was nerve racking. But 'Kihiri' was clearly a chatter, so I figure it would be easier to befriend him. I'd totally forgotten he'd seen my scar earlier.

I pulled on a simple pair of baggy black jeans, a black top with a fading silver skull on the front and grabbed my hoodie before heading off, leaving my band mates looking confused. I slowed my pace and tried to act as cool as I could, not wanting him to think I cared too much. I actually cared a lot about everything, but that really isn't something you want a new friend to know straight away. That kind of thing can really freak a person out for some reason. The door that led outside was right in front of me and I could already feel myself getting uncomfortable, hot and bothered. I opened the door as calmly as I could and stepped outside. I was surprised when I saw Kihiri looking almost the same as he had before. Makeup wise. His hair had now been brushed down and parted so he was fringe-less, and his white blood covered robes were gone and now replaced with baggy blue jeans and a black and white pin striped shirt. He'd toned down the makeup a little, but eyeliner, mascara and foundation were clearly still present. He stared at me for a second, blinking a few times before finally saying something.

"wow…" he breathed, looking utterly disbelieved "You look so different…"

I laughed at him with a kind smile "So I've been told"

"You look almost pretty" he muttered, stuffing a hand in his pocket.

This time it was my turn to stare in disbelief. Pretty? Now that's something I'd never been called before. Scary… Strange… Childish… Those three had come up a lot. Handsome and cute had been said on the rare case, but never pretty. I was a boy, what did pretty mean? _Do I want to look pretty? I don't do I? Or do I? I don't know…_

"Are you one of those smoker-haters?" Kihiri asked, lighting a cigarette as he spoke.

"The complete opposite" I replied "I've been smoking since I was 11"

"11? Hell-" Kihiri laughed almost fondly "I only started about a year or two ago. You must be a tough addict to the stuff"

"Don't remind me…" I tittered, about to bring out my own lighter and cigarettes out my pockets.

"Here" Kihiri added a second cigarette in his mouth now, already lighting it "Have this" He dragged it out this mouth and held it out to me.

I peered at the cancer stick for a second, admiring the horrid light goo on the end which I guessed to be Kihiri's saliva. I shrugged to myself and accepted the cigarette. I thanked him. I considered telling him that he clearly wasn't holding the cigarette properly in his mouth (since you aren't supposed to get the butt wet) but passed on the idea, stamping it as a possible bad move.

We ended up skipping the pub and just hanging out side. There was a pub about 10 minutes away from where we were but we couldn't be asked. We were fine chatting away to each other out side, lighting each other cigarettes and talking about music and hair dye.

"What colours has your hair been?"

"Bleached it brown… then bleached to blonde and dyed it blue the same day. You?"

"Bleached it to dark brown, to light brown, to a gingery brown- I honestly don't know how that happened, to blonde, dyed it pink, dyed it red, the dye sucked and faded to baby pink, and now I'm back to blonde"

"… How long have you been going that for?"

"Since I was 15, almost 16 I guess. You?"

"16"

I enjoyed touring, but at the time it felt like I hadn't had that much fun in ages. Maybe it was because Kihiri was a fresh person to me. He was nothing like the mates I already had. He wasn't hyperactive like Yomi, or fatherly like Ruka. His mind wasn't as perverse any of theirs. True, he could make a pretty good joke of the sexual nature, but it wasn't a constant set of jokes like the ones that sprawled from Niya's and Yomi's mouth every chance they got. Kihiri was quite serious, not as serious as Sakito, but at the same time he was fun.

"You know" Kihiri began, puffing out the smoke of his 8th cigarette, allowing the grey wisp's to dance carelessly in the air like a dance class, all dressed in silver "you and me are a lot alike"

"Same music, same movies, same games-" I listed, nodding in agreement.

"no no! well yes…" Kihiri paused, running his fingers through his hair "I mean…" Kihiri became silent, staring up at the night sky "Forget it"

"No, come on, tell me" I urged, giving him a little shove to get him talking. I smiled at him, even though he was currently finding the concrete ground in front of him much more amusing.

"Well, like with people. Only we have different reactions" Kihiri explained.

I cocked my head to one side in confusion, waiting for him to carry on.

"I mean… Only we reply to things different ya'know?" Kihiri explained, refusing to look at me. "I go over the top and you seem to hide away…"

"I guess you're right."

"I'm always right" Kihiri laughed.

I joined in half-heartedly, leaning against the wall with fatigue.

"Since we'll still be here tomorrow night as well"I started with a yawn "Why don't we go out for drinks then? Our bands will probably go out too since its close to a last show for both of us, righ'?"

Kihiri nodded happily "Sounds good, I think my band we'll be heading off to get drunk..." He smirked "We have an alcoholic on our hands ya'see" he smiled fondly about what ever band mate he spoke of "We'll make a night of it."

The night that followed was certainly one I have never forgotten. I lost something, and it would take years for me to stop questioning it…

The next day I woke up to Ruka's face smack-bang in my own, his smile stretched creepily to his ears.

"Morning Mitsuo…" He purred.

"Please get off me" was my simple, groggy reply, before kicking him off my half asleep self, sending him to land in the space behind the front car seat.

I ignored him as he groaned, and sat up with a yawn. My first sight was Yomi, curled up at the other side of the three-seated car seat, his head leaning against my bent knees. He looked so peaceful, so I decided to be gentle with my movements, to be sure not to wake him as this was the only point he was ever quiet. It was a miracle when the vocalist slept. I looked round to see Niya and Sakito in the seat set behind my own, leaning back to back, fast asleep too.

I rubbed my eyes and looked down at Ruka, who was now crouching in the tiny space between my seat and the empty driver's seat. Our driver had abandoned us the day previous after Sakito's heavy rant at him. Thus, this being why we would be spending the next 5 months being driven by road-rage-sufferer Niya- the only one who could drive at that current point in time.

When I say he could drive, I meant he had a license.

Being driven in a vehicle by him made you seriously wonder how he even had it…

"I fancy a fag…" Ruka announced "Up for one?"

I pulled an awkward face and nodded towards sleeping Yomi. Ruka rolled his eyes and crawled his way over to the singer and gently began to move him off my legs to let him sleep again the window pain. Yomi grumbled in his sleep, but didn't wake up entirely. He was lightly snoring against the window in seconds.

I quietly opened my car door, and let Ruka climb out first, before following swiftly, Ruka holding the dodgy door open for me. He slammed it closed without a care, making me jump and panic that we'd woken our peaceful band mates. I was relaxed to see only Niya reply to the sound, and all that he gave was a simple frown.

We headed off to sit on the hood of the tour bus, Ruka already bringing out his packet of cigarettes.

"Ru, can I have one?" I asked meekly, yawning once again.

"-thought you had your own?"

"Smoked them all last night…" I explained with a half-smile.

Ruka shook his head in despair "Your chain smoking is getting worse"

"I'll quit soon" I protested with a pout

"No you won't, Mi-san, no you won't" he shook his head fondly "Doesn't matter. You won't be you without a cigarette in your mouth!" he cackled "The day you stop smoking will be the day you stop piercing yourself, take your piercings _you do_ have out _and_ shave your head!" Ruka handed me a cigarette anyway.

I rolled my eyes at him, but thanked him for the cancer stick. I placed the stick between my pierced lips and waited for Ruka to finish lighting his own so I could steal the lighter. He passed it to me without looking and I took it from in a flash.

"So" Ruka sighed in ecstasy as he filled his lungs with the poison "Where'd you go after the show yesterday?"

"I was hanging out with someone" I explained between puffs.

Ruka turned to me with a sneaky grin "_Someone_?" he wriggled his eyebrows "Like a girl"

"Like a boy" I spoke flatly taking another drag

Ruka's face became serious "So this is how you admit you're gay, huh?"

"No! No!" I panicked, wide eyed and shaking my hands at him "I meant as a friend! A _friend!"_

Ruka smirked at me and turned his gaze forward again "Course"

"Ruka…" I whined through gritted teeth, scratching my forehead in agitation.

"I'm joking I'm joking!" he said in a hurry as he noticed me becoming irritable "Calm down"

I sighed and leaned back on the window behind me, staring up at the light morning sky. The fluffy clouds swam slowly across the baby blue sky, making me feel relaxed and sleepy once again. Morning fatigue…. Forever I shall darn you!

"So who's this friend?" Ruka asked, sounding confusion.

"He's from the band that opened for us"

Ruka sniggered "That band is a mess! Don't get too close…"

I raised an eyebrow, sitting myself up on my elbows and giving him a quizzical look which went unnoticed. I ignored his little warning, seeing as he often gave them "Mess?"

"Yeah…" Ruka breathed in more nicotine "They were all arguing outside before they went on. The singer and drummer started it."

A light flashed on in my head. Drummer? Kihiri…

"That band won't be around for much longer"

I couldn't help but feel sorry for Kihiri at that moment.

"_Doesn't matter though. I'm doing what I love. Like you"_

"The two guitarists had a punch up. The bassist was stupid enough to get involved." Ruka started laugh again "The poor kid got it right in the face"

Ruka's own face suddenly became serious and he slowly, lightly shaking, turned his head to me "I hope our band never ends up like that…"

"I hope the same" I whispered. "But we're different." I argued for reassurance "We've been doing this for 13 months now. They've only been together for 4 months. And they weren't friends before the band! We all were! We've been doing it longer, and we have stable friendships…"

"They're doing well for 4 months" Ruka mumbled, finishing his cigarette.

"So were we" I remind him

"Take it the guy you were with told you all that then…" Ruka mumbled, holding the smoke in his lungs until he was done.

Ruka sat back on to the window like me, letting out a heavy breath "How'd you remember that it's been 13 months for us lot?" he asked

"It'll be 14 months on my birthday"

"So?" Ruka frowned

"Nothing." I shrugged "It's just how I've been remembering it. The day I turn 19 is the day this band has been whole for 14 months." I smiled softly to myself, flicking the cigarette butt away.

"Anyway, about your friend" Ruka urged "Which guy was he"

"Oh yeah… Actually… He's the drummer…" I stammered out awkwardly.

"That skit-sy drama queen?" Ruka choked "I mean-" he began, quickly trying to back himself "I don't know the guy, but…" he turned his head to me looking awkwardly unimpressed "He was complaining at a camera man who was trying to take promotional pictures for them" he raised an eyebrow slowly as he spoke.

"Why?"

"I don't know… I think he just didn't want his photo taken. He was moaning about something or other not being right but I didn't pay too much attention. I was watching the lead singer" Ruka spluttered as he laughed "You could actually watch the guy getting angrier and angrier the more he was around the drummer!"

I fidgeted with discomfort "Kihiri seemed like a nice guy, actually…"

"The singer?"

"No. Kihiri's the drummer"

"Of course…" Ruka folded his arms "What's the guy like?"

"He's a laughed but he's quite calm and serious. Every now and again he acted a little childish but most of the time he kept his cool- even when he was saying the rudest of things!" I grinned at the memory "He's really into horror movies, and he more musical then any of us are! He can play guitar, drums, piano-"

"You can play piano" Ruka butted in

"Yeah, but he can do drums to! And he sings"

"You can sing"

"In tune, but I'm not brilliant… His vocals are really something! He should really be a singer. He's into the same music as us too. X Japan, Kuroyume, the lot! And-"

"Ok ok!" Ruka smiled patting my shoulder "I get it. The guy is cool" he sniggered at me "Sounds like you've made a good friend, chibi-neko."

I blushed lightly, biting my inner cheek. I quickly changed the subject with Ruka then and there. Ruka was like the daddy of the group, in fact he still is now, but he does love teasing. And if he had teased, Niya would have noticed and joined in! Then I'd never hear the end of it. Niya loved to jump to conclusions on purpose in the attempt of making me uncomfortable; and it always worked too!

The day passed terribly slowly. At one point I went for a wonder to see if I could find Kihiri. I found his band's tour bus but only the driver was present. I was quite surprised by that tour bus. It was a proper, camper like bus! Seats at the front, with the beds at the back. It seemed weird to me that my band, a band with a record deal any everything, would be stuck in a van- sleeping in a van, while these guys had brought home with them! I passed the thought, and asked the driver where Kihiri and co. were.

"Aw, you just missed them. They've gone off 'investigating the world' as Tetora put it" The driver told me, a freshly light cigarette in his mouth.

I noticed the signature on the side of the cigarette; It was the brand Kihiri smoked. I wasn't sure why I missed him so much. He was just a new friend and yet my mind couldn't let him go.

Throughout the whole day, questions about Kihiri came to my head at every moment.

Drinking coffee, _I wonder if Kihiri likes coffee. I wonder what kind…_

Listening to the radio, _I wonder what stations Kihiri listens to…_

Fiddling through my make-up bag, _I wonder how long Kihiri has worn make up…_

Every little thing made me think of it. It was actually annoying. It used to be like this when I was obsessed with Hide-sama. I used to wonder is Hide would like this song, if Hide would wear this garment, if Hide would do whatever like this… And in under a day it became all about Kihiri. And I didn't mind.

I was filled with utter joy when we were getting ready to perform. I dressed slowly, wanting everyone to get ready before like they had yesterday. I prayed my plan would work… My heart skipped a beat when it actually did. This time, Niya was the last to leave since he kept falling asleep at the dresser. Ruka handed him some strange pills and in seconds Niya was back on track. I didn't want to know what they were. I feel sad to say I know far too well what they were now… Dangerous stuff, but god damn do they work!

I got up, still hoping Kihiri would come, and stood in front of the mirror topless for a second, about to pull the red long sleeved under top on. I looked at myself with a frown. I wasn't fat, even back then, but I… I was chubby, I guess. I poked my stomach, looking at the mirror at my 'built' body and the decorative scar that ran over my hip and to my mid rift. I heard a click of the door lock opening and gasped in horror, quickly pulling on my t-shirt. In my panic, I managed to get myself stuck, my head stuck in the material and unable to find the neck hole. I bent myself forward, determined to hide the scar as best as I could. I struggled about in grief, terrified at the thought that at that moment the person in the room could see my burns, knocking into something I guessed to be a chair and falling to the floor with a loud thump, still struggling. I heard a familiar giggle as someone bent down to me and helped me pull my head through the hole.

"I was right" Kihiri smiled "You really aren't very scary"

I blinked at him with wide eyes.

"Cute" Kihiri stuck his tongue out at me before standing back up. He held his hand out to me. "Want a hand?"

I nodded placing my hand in his as my heart began to beat like a hummingbird's wings. Beats became a race as our hands clasped, skin to skin.

"That was a bit of an over the top fretting-state, don't you think?" Kihiri raised an eyebrow.

I blushed, looking down at my feet

"Aww…" Kihiri cupped my cheek and lifted up my face so I was staring into him. "What are you worried about?"

I blinked wide eyed. Hadn't he seen the scar?

Kihiri let his hand drop and went to perch himself on my make-up desk, running his fingers across the paint sets and eye liners.

"Do you still want to meet later?" he asked, not looking at me.

"Uh huh" I strolled over to where Kihiri was and took the red and black buckled military jacket off its hanger and pulled it on "The others are going up to the pub-"

"Want to stay here?" He blurted out

"I guess we could, but" I tipped my head to one side "Why though? Do you have beer?"

"Better to talk when it's one and one… You don't know whose listening in a crowded area." He smirked "And yeah, I have beer"

I beamed at him "Okay. Sounds good to me!"

The rest of conversation was short and simple. We spoke mostly about touring and the whole business with getting ready for shows. Within minutes I was almost ready for the stage. I heard someone outside call out for 'Ma'die Kusse'. Kihiri gave his polite farewell with a happy smile before leaving the room, reminding me to meet him the same place we did yesterday after the shows. I told him I wouldn't forget and sure enough I didn't. I found myself literally running off stage again and heading straight to getting changed and whipping the makeup off my face.

"Calm down, Hitsu-kun!" Laughed Yomi as he entered the dressing room "What's got you so hyped?"

"He has a date" Winked Ruka

A grin stretched across Niya's smug face. I knew straight away that I was about to get the teasing of my life for him. Why couldn't Ruka just keep his mouth fucking _shut!?_

"A date?" Sakito raised an eyebrow, folding a tshirt "Where would he meet someone round here?"

"Guys, its n-" I began, only to be spoken over by Ruka.

"The _'date'_ is from our opening band"

"I thought those we guys?" Sakito frowned, kicking off his shoes.

"They are"

"It's not-" I tried again, but Niya pounced.

"Hitsugi's gay!"

"I'm not" I scowled, giving him the middle finger before kicking off my boots.

"No gay no rights!"

"Niya-san…!" I pouted at him "I'm not, it's not a-"

"You're going out with a guy" giggled Sakito "If I remember correctly, then that means you're gay!"

"It's not a date! He's just a friend…"

"Of course!" Yomi nodded sarcastically "Did you know my aunt is the Queen of Sheba?"

"Guys, stop it!" I whined, kicking off my own shoes and beginning to take off my leathers.

"Oh come on Hitsu, have a laugh-" Sakito giggled.

"I can't! I'm in a rush!"

"It's fashionable to be late…" Yomi winked at Niya

"Especially if it's a date" the silver haired bassist grinned

"Stop it!" I grabbed by black jeans, the same ones I'd worn the day before and then grabbed my white, patterned shirt.

"Calm down , Hitsu, geez" Ruka spat at me undoing his boot laces.

"I am calm!" I snapped at him pulling on my long black leather jacket and grabbing a blue scarf. I shoved my feet into a pair of black flats (That had actually belonged to my mum at some point if I remember correctly…). "Bye guys!" and I ran out the door and off to meet Kihiri…

"Child's Play?"

"I love that movie!" I slurred happily.

Kihiri and I were in the back of his bands bus, sitting on the bottom bunk, drinking and smoking to our heart's content.

An equally tipsy Kihiri giggled at me "Same… I think its irritating how long it takes him to actually DIE. He kept coming back…" Kihiri took a swig of the neat vodka "At first it was just… Suspenseful, then after that it was… erm."

"Irritating?"

"Yeah…"

Kihiri swigged more vodka while I look a long draw on my cigarette. There was silence for a little while. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't comforting exactly. I heard Kihiri yawn next to me, making a squeaking noise in the middle. I found myself yawning too, before freezing in mid-yawn as I felt interaction. Little tipsy Kihiri had laid his head on my shoulder in a tired fashion. I gave a little half smile to myself but didn't show any signs to him that I had noticed.

"Hitsugi…?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled as gulped down beer.

"Can I ask you something?" Kihiri sounded so meek it was unnatural. I hadn't known him long but it still seemed pretty out of character for him.

"Course. What is it?"

I heard the click of Kihiri wetting his lips "it's a strange question but it's been on my mind for a while and I haven't spoken to anyone about it…"

I frowned, leaning the opening of the bottle on my chin as I thought.

"Kihiri… Not trying to sound rude or anything, b-but… But why are you telling- or asking… me?" I stuttered out awkwardly, feeling quite humble and honoured that he felt he could speak to me about something that was bothering him.

I felt Kihiri shrug next to me "You seem like the right person" he mumbled weakly. He fidgeted a little before taking a big breath and beginning "Have you ever had, like, feelings for someone and you don't know why?"

I thought. "Yeah… Twice I think. Doushite?"

Kihiri sighed "Did you tell 'em?"

"One. I told one of them." I began to feel a little nervous about the conversation, my whole body began to feel uncomfortable and shaky as I spoke.

"What did they do?"

"She told me thank you" I laughed nervously as I reminisced about my last year of education. "she was really nice about it… I thought she was a good person until she appeared at my front door about 8 months ago. I found out that _she_ had found out about our record deal!"

"So… She wasn't interested until she found out you were in a band?"

"Right" I nodded too enthusiastically.

Kihiri became quiet and thoughtful. I looked down at him to see him staring off into face looking lost in his own little world.

"What's your problem?" I asked, feeling nervous for strange reasons.

"There's just this person I like…"

"Back home?"

"Let's say that…"

I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

Kihiri sat up grinning "Hitsugi have you ever been on the receiving end of something like that?"

"Has someone ever told me?"

Kihiri nodded with closed eyes.

"I don't know if anyone I've ever been with has fancied me for strange reasons" I told him honestly, watching Kihiri as he took a drag on his cigarette.

"Oh?" He mumbled before dragging again and holding it in his mouth, staring at the blazing stick. Kihiri placed the bottle on the floor.

"Yeah" I laughed "I never ever thought to as-"

I was cut off in shock as Kihiri's lips crashed into mine expectantly. I squeaked in shock, my blood freezing in alarm until my body was a ridged as a door. The only two things moved in me were my quickly beating heart and my summer-salting stomach.

Realising I wasn't reacting, Kihiri pulled away with blushing cheeks, the cigarette smoke that had been passing around our mouths flickering around in the air in a cheer of freedom from the caves

"I-I'm sorry" he stuttered out, looking horrified at himself. I stared at him wide eyed. "I didn't" my face became plain and unreadable as I dragged in the last of my own cigarette.

"I didn't mean to-" Now it was my turn to cut of him, holding the cigarette smoke in my mouth like he had.

This time it was him who squeaked, but quickly he was back in control. He wrapped one arm round my neck and moved one leg on top of my own, kissing me heavily and passionately. I wrapped my arms round his waist and pulled him closer to me. I felt his spare hand press against my chest and slowly push me down on to the bunk with him lying on top of me. Our heads moved in time as our tongues danced like ballerinas round each other's caverns. My hands began to wonder across the flashing skin that had been revealed by Kihiri's rising shirt. His hand began caressing my hair and neck, one hand still pressed against me. It wasn't until he moved his hand up and a sore, burning sensation hit my collar bone that remember he was still holding his cigarette. Kihiri sat up quickly.

"I'm sorry, Hitsu, Er…"

I smirked up at him evilly, not actually intentionally though. Kihiri raised an eyebrow.

"Did you like that or something?"

My smirked grew and my eyes dashed down and back up again.

"I don't know the difference between a sadist and Masochist-"he began "But I know you're one of them!"

I quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and collided our lips once again, forcing my way into his mouth until I found his tongue. I lead it into my mouth before capturing it with my teeth. Kihiri made a strange noise that crossed between pain, confusion and ecstasy. I released the muscle and defused the kiss, grinning up at him.

"I'm both" I whispered.

Kihiri looked down at me and cocked his head to one side.

"I take back what I said before… You're terrifying." A gentle smile grew across his lips as he added in a whisper "I always did love torture movies… Always wondered what it felt like"

In seconds we were making out again like savage animals, pulling at each other's hair and clawing at one another's skin until little specks blood ran. It should have all felt so wrong, but it all felt so right. I gasped as Kihiri's mouth left my lips and began to chew my neck why his hand began to fiddle with my belt buckle.

"You up for trying something new?" he whispered in my ear, taking a pierce of silver in his mouth and tugging "Something more than just…" Kihiri giggled as he felt my hand reach his own belt buckle "More than just foreplay?" He had me unzipped before he released the button, his hand quickly getting to work by teasing me with his wondering fingers.

"Depends on what that is…" I muttered, arching my back at the feeling of his hand on my clothed sex. I had less success at undoing his jeans.

"I have another question for you Hitsu…" Kihiri kissed my check affectionately "Ever had sex? With a girl?"

I froze and looked the opposite way to him as I shook my head while my cheeks began to burn.

"A guy then?"

I shook my head again while my cheeks caught fire.

"I guess we're in the same boat…"

I squinted my eyes in a quizzical manner as I reconnected out gazes. Kihiri smiled gentle, pecking my lips.

"I don't mind playing girl…" he mumbled "I'll try anything once"

I gritted my teeth before giving Kihiri the fright of his life as I flipped us round and took dominance.

"Now this Hitsugi is interesting!" Kihiri licked his lips.

I smirked before crashing my lips back onto his heavily like my life would end in that moment if I didn't make out with him. Kihiri moaned into the kiss as he gentle released his legs from under my own, bending them on either side of me before squeezing my hips lightly with his knees. I felt him sniggered as our mouths made love to each other. I moved my mouth away from his, trailing my tongue down his cheek and to his neck, before sinking my teeth into his flesh. Kihiri moaned beneath me, my name passing his lips like breath. It was in my next movement that I realised how innocent I had been throughout my teenaged life. The most I'd down was kissing. I never got round to do anything else. There were times when I had been close to, but they never actually happened.  
I slide myself up Kihiri's body slightly to make kissing and biting easier for me, when the most amazing, shocking feeling rushed through my body, causing me to tense up and make a strange sound like I'd been punched in the chest. A sparkling feeling surround my abdomen, and my heart race sped up and even more soon when I heard Kihiri groan too. So this was sexual pleasure? I couldn't help but think my band mates would be shocked if they knew that I liked it. They really did think of me as a baby, even if I was just a year younger.

Kihiri fumbled with my hair as I chewed his neck, one hand running down his side and back to his jeans where I proceeded to push them down. I returned my mouth to his lips and straight away Kihiri responded with a heavy, almost painful kiss that bruised my jaw but, hell, I couldn't have cared less. We rolled around, me with one arm round him, the other slowly pushing down his jeans, while Kihiri did the same. We only tore away from each other to make the removal of our jeans easier, kicking them to the floor. Kihiri bought his hand to my side, and began to raise my top. Before he could move it even two inches I panicked.

"Stop" I ordered in a laboured breath.

Kihiri did as he was told, his eyes looking at me in utter confusion. We paused, staring at each other. The moment became horribly awkward, instantly making me regret and hate my self-consciousness.

I gulped. "I'm not taking my shirt off…"

"I've already seen you topless-"

"Then you don't need to see again" I told him sternly.

"Hitsu-chan…" Kihiri purred, sitting up and pressing his lips on to mine again, before pecking a kiss in each corner. "It doesn't bother me…" he kissed me again even though I remained unresponsive to his kisses. He looked at me sadly before saying weakly "Want me to be honest with you?" his voice nearly a whisper. Sitting back on his hands and leaning his head back, slightly one to one side. His face looked so perfect with half closed eyes and slightly parting lips. "I don't like people seeing my chest" I did nothing to reply to him with, instead I just stared at him, waiting for him to carry on "I don't know why" I finally spoke after a long pause "But I just feel… Small" Kihiri saw me smirking and rolled his eyes "I know I am small, but I mean I feel like the size of a pea… I feel like everybody is judging me. I feel like I'm showing people way too much of myself…" Kihiri swallowed, looking at me deep in the eyes with a serious expression "I'll show you if you show me…"

I shook my head vigorously.

"It won't be the same with clothes on…" Kihiri pouted at me.

I sighed and looked away helplessly, chewing my lip ring.

"What if I turn the lights off? So I won't see it as much… But it'll still be real"

I returned my eyes to him, looking hopeful. Kihiri smiled gently at me, before reaching a hand behind him, to the wall. He found a switch and clicked it off. In seconds, I saw nothing but pitch black. I heard Kihiri's giggle followed by his hands on my chest, rolling down until he found the bottom of my shirt and began to lift it up. I held my breath but allowed him to remove the garment and discard it to the floor.

"You know what they say…" Kihiri said seductively, as my eyes adjusted enough to see the outline of him pulling my hand to his shirt buttons "Dancing in the dark…"

I lowered my neck and he raised his so our lips crashed together again in passion. I let my tongue explore the cave that was Kihiri's pretty mouth while, with one hand, I undid his buttons. Kihiri twitched his body beneath me before jolting his hips up, setting the sparklers alight again in my crotch. I was too busy kissing and focusing on the feeling that I didn't realise straight away where Kihiri's hand had disappeared to. The blue haired boy was slowly beginning to pull my underwear down with one thumb, his other hand round my neck, holding me against his mouth. I groaned as I felt my manhood being realised from the material. I quickly sat up and discarded them, before going to tend to Kihiri. I hooked a thumb in either side of the elastic and pulled it down while placing kisses on his stomach for reasons I wasn't sure of. Kihiri giggled as placed my kisses and took away his last garment so we were both only in our own skin. My kisses went down and down until I reached his thighs, spreading my kisses. More giggles gentle ran, before I felt a hand in my hair and someone delicately whisper my name. I looked up a kihiri who was now sitting up and watching me. I immediately felt awkward, so pushed him slowly back down and climbed back on top of his naked body. Once my head was back in front of his, Kihiri giggled again

"What the fuck…" he giggled before beginning to kiss my shoulders, leaving little love bits every now and again.

I moaned as I felt his tongue lap against my skin. I quivered as I felt my heart began to race even faster and my awaiting member throb. I pushed him back down and sank my teeth in to his neck. Kihiri kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms round me and digging his nails into my back. My own hands began to wonder the wonderful, open body beneath me. My fingers ran over his beautiful soft skin curiously. I can still remember how his skin felt the first time I touched it. So soft and warm… He felt like his was skin was a fine silk. I wanted the action now. I couldn't wait any longer. I released his flesh for my mouth, earning a sad moan.

"So…" I puffed out in short breaths near his ear "How do we do this?"

I heard Kihiri swallow before he spoke. "Sit up" he ordered.

I did as I was told, sitting back on my heels. Kihiri sat up too, still with bent knees. He mumbled to himself about the fact he couldn't believe what he was about to do. I was confused for a second until I felt Kihiri's warm, wet mouth cover my manhood in one. My eyes felt like they were going to burst out their sockets as I watched him. His eyes were slightly open and looked away from me, looking like he was concentrating hard. I moaned as the sparklers inside of me became crazy Catherine wheels as Kihiri picked up speed, lapping his tongue all over my works as he did so.

"Ki…Hiri" I moaned as my body began to stand to attention even more so.

I felt sad and desperate when he removed his mouth and sat back up, facing me. "Now it's your turn to prepare me…" he told me, sounding nervous.

I merely nodded, freezing as I saw Kihiri pull my hand up to his face and began to suck on the middle three fingers, doing a similar movement as he had been doing moments before to a different part of my body. I felt a little uncomfortable; having a very clear idea of what Kihiri wanted me to do. Just the thought of it was making me red. I felt sparkles in my abdomen again just watch him sucking on my fingers, the whole time his eyes were on me. When he finally stopped, he looked away from me blushing. He swallowed and looked at me nervously. I quickly acted on my dodgy instincts, and pushed him back down with my dry hand. I lay back down across him and the kissing started again. Just sweet, gentle, slightly shaky, kisses. I can remember thinking how sweet Kihiri looked when he was nervous. Keeping the fingers away to make sure they stayed wet, I slipped the arm of that hand under one of Kihiri's legs and lifted it up above my shoulder. Kihiri wrapped his arms back round my neck as I sensed him mentally preparing himself.

I paused for a second, unsure, slightly freaking out and overall worried about the next thing that had be done if we were going to do anything. I moved my arm down, using the back of my hand to help me locate the entrance. Kihiri shudder beneath me and my touch while one of his own hands began to wonder down my side. That wasn't a helpful moment. I cringed slightly, feeling my cheeks getting hotter as I slipped the tip of my index finger inside of him, while his hand finally ran across my scar. I squeaked and tensed up as I felt his touch run over an area only my mother he touched in hugs. Kihiri interrupted the kiss for a second.

"It should be me feeling like that" he laughed nervously but quietly, giving me a pecked on the lips "Just do it" he pressed his soft lips against mine, and removed his hand from my scarred side.

I carried on slipped my finger inside, hearing Kihiri grunt once beneath me, but letting it go unnoticed. I gentle pulled back out and pushed my finger back inside again, feeling Kihiri relax beneath me. We were like that for a while, until Kihiri whispered something about 'and the next one…'. It took me a few seconds to work out what he meant, but I caught in. I pulled my finger back like I had done before, but measured up my middle finger alongside it, then slowly began to push it in. Kihiri grumbled uncomfortably, digging his nails into my arm and wriggling to try and ignore what must have been a horrible feeling. I forced them in a little too much, causing Kihiri to break kiss with a quick yell of pain, before hiding his face in my neck. I pulled my fingers, even though they were only half way, before very slowly re-entering them. Kihiri moaned in my neck, and not in enjoyment.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to him.

"Just do it" he struggled out.

"Just tell me if it hurts-"

"It hurts now, carry on" Kihiri spat

I did as I was told and pushed them all the way in. More groans of discomfort came from the blue haired drummer, who snuggled into my neck even more. I painted his forehead with kisses as he hid away, his arms tightly round my neck. I began to part my fingers to stretch his entrance, knowing how to do it thanks to Yomi and his perverted movies. Kihiri held on to me tighter, whining my name under his breath. I'd be lying if I didn't say it turned me on even more than I was. I still couldn't believe I was doing that.

The third and final finger was easier, giving Kihiri less discomfort. He relaxed, panting from holding his breath in agony, lying back on the bunk and looking up at me.

"I think you should" his eyes shifted round the room "Put it in" he rushed out awkwardly

The blush returned to my cheeks as I removed my hand, spotting pink smears. My eyes became wide and my breath became stuck into my throat. 'Blood' I whispered. Kihiri gently grabbed my chin and turned my head to face him.

"It's alright… My mate said it can happen sometimes." he murmured

"I don't want to hurt you" I told him honestly like some kind of pathetic child.

"I'll be mentally hurt if you don't" Kihiri joked in a soft voice.

I was still afraid to hurt him. He seemed so little compared to me. We were the same height, but Kihiri was skin and bones. I was slightly chubby. I began to place kisses across his jaw line, while I awkwardly lined myself up with his entrance, moving my body up. As my tip entered his body, Kihiri placed his head against my shoulder with close eyes as I carried on covering him in lip-love. I slowly began to enter his body as a shiver ran down my spine. It felt even better than his mouth had. I forced my way gently in until my manhood was fully hidden inside of him. I turn to Kihiri who had a slight face of discomfort but seemed okay. It seemed better to check.

"Are you alright?" I asked again.

"Yeah" he said in a breath, lying back down again "I'm good now". Kihiri smiled at me, before linking one of our hands each together and placing them next to his head. Then he forced me to switch my pressures as he took the other hand and did the same. I laid fully on him, his manhood hidden between us.

The kissing started again, slowly and full of passion and leaking sexual love. I began to rock against him. Kihiri seemed uncomfortable, but held me tightly to him as he got used to the foreign sensation.

At first, everything was slow and sweet, maybe even romantic. Our bodies moved in the same rhythm. Our kissing stopped, but I kept moving while we stared into each other's eyes, our lips touching but not moving. All I saw was his beautiful brown eyes that shone like stars in the darkness. He tightened his grip round my neck and he whispered weakly 'faster'. I gritted myself, having probably the most unneeded feeling of shyness as I quickened my speed as Kihiri closed his eyes and swallowed, clearly still a little uncomfortable. It was like that for a while, with my being a creep with my eyes wide open watching every movement Kihiri for any clue of how it felt for him. Any look of discomfort had melted from his face now, and his eyes opened slightly, causing my own to dash. Kihiri gave a little giggle, before cupping my check and gently bring our lips back together in a tender kiss. I shifted a little, and to my alarm managed to make Kihiri gasp in what I believed to be agony. I froze in my movements.

"Shit-" I swore, pulling away "Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?! I-" Kihiri crashed his lips back into mine, ordering against my lips-

"Shut up" he stopped the kiss and shook a strand a hair from his eyes.

"But if I hurt you-"

"You did…" Kihiri pants "You did it right"

"What?"

"Shut up and hit it again" he spat before pulling me back down to smack out mouths together in a fierce kiss "Fuck me, don't stay still"

I couldn't help but love Kihiri's sudden bossy nature and I picked my pace up again with excitement. Kihiri moaned in to my mouth, his hips bucking up before he wrapped his legs round my waist to send me deeper. I groaned in pleasure as I felt my entire sex be engulfed by his small body.  
Our breaths became heavy and the feeling of pleasure became a distraction as we abandoned the war of tongues. Kihiri his face in my neck, moaning out and hugging me tighter with his legs.

"Hits…Hitsu-ah…" he muttered in breaths, before swearing violently as I pounded into him harder.

I always thought your first time was supposed to be horrible. I can remember Yomi moaning about how shit it was losing his virginity, but changed his mind on it all when he did for the second time. Same thing for Niya and Ruka, but Sakito has never actually told me if he liked his first time or not. I do believe he insinuated that it was boring, but I've never been to sure.

Kihiri moaned again and again and again, throwing his head back and groaning while his nails dug into my neck. I hissed as he dragged them down my back. He swore loudly as I hit something inside him again, causing him to yell and buck his hips straight into my own.

"Hitsu…" He groaned again "Harder…" I watched him swallow while his body was forced to move up and down as I drove my way in and out of him "Oh god, harder…" he mumbled 'harder' again and again as I literally slammed my sex into his small body, hard enough to leave massive bruises between his thighs and on the front of mine. Not that I cared. The feeling was downright amazing, literally taking my breath away. A stronger version of a familiar sensation began to build up in my abdomen, giving me a large boost of adrenalin to pound into him like mad, making his blue-haired head whack against the wall behind him a few times.

"Fuck yes…" He groaned, pulling me down right on top of him and placing his head back against my neck. I did the same, panting like crazy against his warm, lightly sweating skin. The feeling began to build up to bursting point just as Kihiri choked out the incomplete sentence 'I'm gunna…'. I pushed him off me, and sat myself up a little. I unwrapped his hands from my neck and clasp them in mine. He smiled, squeezing back as I slammed his arms on to the bunk, above his head. "Oh god" he moaned again, before he shook his head crazy screaming 'fuck' over and over while a warm sticky substance painted my stomach, his hands squeezing mine with tension. Seconds later, I coated his insides in the same way, before collapsing on top of him, utterly spent.

We were still staring into each other's eyes in the dark as the room became silent accept for our heavy breaths. I heard Kihiri swallow as he wrapped his arm round my neck and rolled us on to our sides. Straight away my skin was dampened by the wet patch on the sheets.

"Don't run away" he whispered, his face inches from mine

I frowned "nani?"

I almost jumped right off him when he switched the light on. I looked at him in shock, frozen as I tried to think of what to do. Kihiri's eyes blinked as he adjusted to the light. The croaks of the beginning of unsaid speech clicked from my throat, until Kihiri placed a finger on my lips, shushing me.

"It's okay" he whispered. "Nothing will happen. Only I can see them"

I'm not totally sure why I found that slightly calming. But only slightly. Kihiri gently moved my arm out the way so he could see my scarred hip. A delicate smile spread across his lips as he reached his hand out to rest his fingers on my damaged flesh.

"It's not as bad as you think" he whispered, turning his eyes to me before sticking a kiss onto the tip of my nose "I think it gives your body beauty"

I frowned before trying to scoff out "Beauty?" but it came out more as a question.

"Stories and beautiful works of art right? Your scar tells a story…" he gentle ran his fingers over my skin, his eyes still on me "So I think it's beautiful"

I wrinkled my nose my nose in disagreement as I muttered "it's not…"

"Is" Kihiri insisted forcefully before kissing me again.

I kissed him again, like some many times that night. Each kiss felt so different. I don't think I've ever had a kiss that has been like another. It's always different with Ruki, and that's not just kisses. Back then he had me mesmerized. I changed the idea I had of my life. It was weird for me, after just one night, to decide I wanted him forever. I felt possessive of him.

The kiss was hard, but slow and passionate, Kihiri pulling me close by wrapping his arms round my neck. He directed his lips away from my own and slow placed them on neck, sucking hard until I bruised, before making me hiss as he bit down and the metallic liquid of my body seeped into his mouth.

"Vampire…" I groaned with a smile, feeling myself getting hot and needy all over again.

He slowly pulled away, a little bit of blood on his lip. I giggled, bringing my fingers to his lip and flicking away the blood. I gazed as his pretty face, his eye make-up and bronze blush still fine, while the small amount of pink lip stainer was smeared around his mouth.

"Do you always wear make-up?" I inquired rather randomly, not really thinking about what I was saying.

Kihiri blinked at me "I guess so"

"Why don't you?" I smirked.

"Don't I what?" he blinked innocently.

"Take you make-up off. I let you see my scar so I think it's fair I see what you really look like"

Like I said earlier, the blue haired boy had toned the make-up down, but there was still a pretty much heavy amount round his brown eyes. It was done perfectly though, making his eyes look massive and staring. To be honest, he looked like he belonged in Gundam or YuGiOh or what have you. Basically, he didn't look very real. He looked like he'd walked straight of a piece of paper.

Kihiri became uncomfortable. I could feel him twiddling his fingers behind my neck with nerves.

"I never let anyone see me without make-up" he stated in a matter-of-fact voice.

"How come?" I asked, pulling him close as I saw his eyes. He looked so far away as he stared right past me, almost sadly. It worried me, making me feel like any minute now I might lose him.

"I just can't…"

"You know you think my scar is beautiful?" I whispered, pulling him closer so I could lean my forehead against his "Well I bet you are beautiful underneath all that…"

For a second, I thought Kihiri was going to have some kind of angry fit, but instead he wrapped his arms tighter around me as he mumbled "I'm really not… I'm the total opposite"

"Kill me, I don't believe you" I smirked with kind eyes.

Kihiri sighed, looking straight into my brown orbs with a sad look.

"I'm sorry Hitsu-chan…" he whispered weakly "I probably owe you it…" his hold tightened "But I'm not as brave as you"

I pecked his lips "That's rubbish"

"It isn't… You are actually quite a strong person. I'm not when it comes to things like that"

Part of me wanted to pester him, but the other part of me told me that that probably wasn't a good idea. I couldn't help but feel hurt by this… It proved that we weren't on the same emotional level.  
But then again, how could we be? I doubted that he'd even be thinking about me like I thought about him. He probably saw me as someone he was strangely attracted to, like he said, and I seemed good enough to rid him of the handcuffs named virginity. I saw him as something that I wanted to give everything to! Part of me wanted to refuse kissing all those girls who I had in the past, just for the satisfaction of having my first ever kiss with Kihiri. I felt like I was in love with him, but it wasn't love, I wouldn't be in love after such a short time. It was just a strong feeling that was created from lust, a teenage crush, nerves, admiration and a slight mix of desperation. Not very beautiful over all…

I didn't tease him. We just held each other for about an hour, talking about random things with each other, while the whole time I couldn't help wondering what he looked like under all that mess. It really interested me. He hardly looked Japanese with that entire set of slap covering his face! I can remember having a massive urge to stalk him home so I could rummage through his baby pictures to get a clue of some kind…


	2. Lost

_**Chapter 1 has been edited to perfection now! I didn't realise that I left out the sex scene, so its in now! ENJOY! Oh, and a reviews are appreciated and adored but you don't have to… **_

_**Of course I own them! I like their mother and shiz (not)**_

There's not much else to say about what happened straight after that. Kihiri heard the distant sound of his band heading back to the tour bus so we had to split up and quickly get dressed. We exchanged phone numbers and then parted.

I didn't tell anyone about what happened that night until a year later, 2002, where I ended up telling Sakito (under the influence of alcohol, mind you) about how I had 'been in love' with 'this guy'. It was at the moment of telling him everything that happened that I suddenly came to a horrible conclusion- hadn't Kihiri just used me? He always made the first move, gave the orders…  
He was the one who suggested we meet up.  
He was the one who started doing the 'hitting'  
He was the one who… Did he seduce me? I wasn't sure if I knew what seducing was.  
But I was certain that I was used. _It was probably a bet with his band! 'See if you can sleep with the scary guy with all the piercings, Kihiri!' 'Yeah! Tell us if he can actually kiss with all that metal!'. I bet that's it. He just wanted to get with a higher-rate musician, probably to up his status or something. He probably took something of mine for proof too… _I remember moaning to Sakito all about it, almost crying, before passing on the tour bus back seat. I can't count how many times I've passed out in the back seat… Before vomiting out the window half the time.

I waited a few days after our bands' departure from each other before I texted Kihiri. I waited a day and received no reply. I forced myself to wait on edge for an uncomfortable 25 hours, before I gave in and texted a simple '?'.  
I still didn't receive a reply. I never received a reply. I forced the whole thing to the back of my head. I mean, c'mon! It wasn't special or anything was it? It wasn't like we were together for years and blah blah blah… I had known him just 40 hours- and we were exactly 'together', we just had sex. It wasn't like losing my virginity was supposed to be something special. That's just for girls. Right?  
Well that's what I kept telling myself.

Over two years passed until I saw Kihiri again, though I really hadn't expected to.

Straight on the dot of 3 O'clock on a groggy afternoon in 2004, I was ripped from my beloved sleep by my alarm. As I lifted my head from its place of being face first into the black pillow, my hand drifted to my forehead to push my hair from my eyes. Only then, when I felt not even a tiny strand near my eyes, did I remember that I had cut it, my fringe length now only about 2 inched. I groaned as the dreaded beeping sound of my alarm caused my brain to throb painfully. I whisked my hand out from under my duvet to slam my bruised fist onto the silent button. I sat up on my elbows running my fingers through my hair as I yawned with fatigue. Why was I still asleep at 3 o clock in the afternoon? Tour had been long and rough, though forever always fun, but sleep had been rare and precious. Now home, back in my parent's house, I was free to sleep. I decided I was still tired, and snuggled back down in the bed, changing my position onto my side, licking my dry lips before allowing myself to begin to drift back off happily.

"Mitsu-chan…"

Apparently I was wrong as I heard a familiar voice call to me from downstairs

"Mitsu, time to get up!"

_Please mum let me sleep…. Just five more minutes… I'm so tired I can't speak, please just let me-_

"C'mon MiMi-chan! The afternoon isn't a time for beddy-byes"

_Oh seriously? And she wonders why I can't live on my own? She's the bloody reason I allowed my kitchen to get in such a wreck that creatures made comfy homes in its corners, my sink becoming the local park it seems. It's her fault I keep coming back to live with her and dad! She treats me like a child. I'm almost 22, c'mon mama, give me some credit_

"Mimi, I know you can hear me" She called, quickly beginning to lose her temper "Mitsu…" I stuffed my head under the covers as I began to hear her stomping feet coming up the stairs "You better not ignore me!" she was on the landing now, her footsteps getting closer and closer. "For fucks sake-"

My mother burst into my bedroom, heading straight to my bed and ripping the entire duvet off me.

"Mitsuo!"

"Jeez mum" I scowled at her "Don't do that! I could have been naked or something!"

Mum raised an unimpressed eyebrow "We both know that's highly unlikely" she smiled gently and bent to ruffle my hair "Come on little rock star. Ya'can't sleep all day"

I tittered and rubbed my eyes "You don't need to treat me like a kid anymore, you do realise that right?"

Mum shrugged "You're my baby. You always will be. No matter what age you are, not matter how many more needles you pierce your poor skin with, no matter how much hair you lose from over dying it, or even when you're on your 4th transplanted liver, no matter how many kids you have from drunken one night stands-"

"Jesus, Mum-!"

"You will always be my little baby Mitsi" she gave a cutesy, childish smile, before leaving my bed room, not quite shutting the door behind her giving the clue that she would return if I didn't get up.

I sighed, feeling trapped and annoyed. Life wasn't good. It wasn't exactly how it was supposed to be. I was living with my parents after 3 failed attempts at moving out, I showed dedication to my band but I knew all too well that it was beginning to make me sick, I drank until I passed out every night, and I felt as alone as alone could be in the romance department. Those one night stands were nothing. They weren't satisfying and they didn't mend my still damaged heart. I sat up fully in bed, hugging my knees and staring out my bedroom window, curtains remaining open. For a moment, I just sat there, staring out at the grey-blue sky and the many houses in the distance. I was distracted by the sound of my mobile vibrating. I listened for a second for a clue to where I had left the bloody thing, before finding it had fallen down the side of the mattress. I drove my hand down there and pulled out the khaki coloured phone. I pressed a button and the screen lit up with an orange light, reading '17 new messages' in black text. I read the list to find two names repeated constantly; Sakito and Ruka.

'_**Fancy coming pub?'**_

'**Stop being miserable and come out tonight, yeah?'**

'_**?'**_

'**If you r worried about your parents still you can sleep at mine xD'**

'_**Come on Hitsu-chan, come drink!111!'**_

'**Well?'**

'_**Dude its rude to ignore :P'**_

'**One word: BBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR'**

'_**HEELLLLLLOOO?'**_

'**Wine?'**

'_**ANSWER ME!'**_

And so on. I quickly replied to them both with an apology and asked what time, before discarding the phone on my bed and heading to my cupboard to find something to wear. Walking around in spiderman pyjama bottoms wasn't actually that cool, even less so when they were for a 12 year old. I yawned again as I stripped from my pyjamas and pulled on a plain black shirt, doing it up as quickly as I could. I grabbed a pair of khaki pants and pulled them on, hopping of to where I had abandoned my phone. _Texts (2)_

**From: Yuji**_**  
'Meet me at 8, yh?'**_

**From: Kano Satoru  
**_**'I'll be at the usual pub about 9'**_

Well, that was my night sorted out. I sent a text of 'ok' to both of them, before heading downstairs to the kitchen. I passed the living room, peaking in as I did so. There was no sign of my mother, but my dad was resting on the sofa, eyes glued to the television. I dived into the kitchen and quickly attacked the cupboards. Food, food, food… So hungry. I pulled myself up onto the work top, my 5 foot 4 height making it a difficulty to see the top shelves in the cupboards. I don't mind being small now, but back then I hated the fact that I had my mother's genes in height. I would have been a lot happier I was 182cm like my dad. Sadly I was (and still am today) 164cm and not growing. I blessed the fact that had still beaten mum when it came to height. Little mummy was 154cm! She's shrunk in the past few years and now stands as a comical height of 149. Well I think it's funny…  
Rice, rice, rice, so much rice. Pasta… Ketchup… More ketchup… Rice… A guitar pick I lost last year- _yoink! Mine!_… Rice…  
I decided that rice and ketchup seemed like an interesting combination for breakfast. I cooked the rice in a little day dream, reviewing everything I had on my mental plate.

Finish writing my part for LivEvil…  
Edit Raven Loud Speeeaker  
Buy more spare strings  
Take Goron to the vets tomorrow  
Cut my fringe back to shocker-short.  
Meeting with manager tomorrow  
Meeting with the costume designer in two days  
Finish the designs for the costume designer.  
Make a list of the negatives I found with my old costume…

I finished cooking the rice, poured it in the bowl and spurted the tomato sauce over the top until the rice had disappeared under the red goo. Grabbing a spoon from the rack by the sink, I headed to the living room, the ketchup bottle tucked under one arm. I hummed to myself as enter the room and jumped onto the sofa feet first. My dad took very little interest in me for a minute, before finally turning his head to look at me, but shortly afterwards returning his gaze to the television.

"Afternoon midget" he sighed.

"Hi…" I droned out, shovelling ruby red rice into my mouth.

I stared at the television screen and away from my father.

"_Hey guys this is RockCentralJapan!"_ said the overly happy male presenter _"Kawaii!"_ cooed the school-uniform clad female presenter, smiling madly at the camera with a grin of a shark and jumping up and down excitedly _"We have lots still coming up-"_

"You're finally up then?" dad grumbled

"So it seems"

"Any particular reason you chose to get up at this stupid hour?"

"Tired"

"Isn't there work you could be doing?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know"

"_-But that's all later so stay tuned! Now, enjoy a back-to-back PV session!" _the girl screeched with joy_ "starting with…" _the girl beat the air with his fists like an imaginary drum _"The Gazette with Ruder!" _The screen changed as the PV began, the singer close up the screen and licking his lips, before a shot of him climbing the stairs swinging a light by its chain in a circular motion_. Not a bad looking guy, there… Looks like a cocky twat though but who isn't these days?_

"Losing commitment?"

"Never"

"I knew you'd get bored, you always do"

"I've been in this band for 4 years and I've never stopped-"

"Yes, but you get bored so easily" Dad insisted "You can't even keep the same hair style for 4 months, let alone 4 years!" he shook his head "A few more years and you'll grow up out of this"

"Out of what?"

Dad moved his hand in a circular motion "This… Rebellious life style"

"How is it rebellious?"

"What do you mean 'how'? Piercings, metal bands, dark clothes, horror movies, torture movies-"

"So everything that makes me me?"

"Those strange eyebrows-"

"Now that's not totally my fault!" I blurted out, covering my mouth before rice painted the cream carpet "They just won't grow back"

"You shouldn't have plucked them like that then"

"I didn't pluck them, I waxed them!"

"Your point being?" my father leaned in closer and hissed "And don't think I don't know what you've been smoking"

"_I am ruder!" _Screamed the singer on the television_ "Baby! FUCK YOU!"_

I leaned closer to him to say "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Don't lie." My father pulled a face of disgust "If your mother knew, god I don't know what she'd do. Maybe she does know. Maybe she has a feeling you're doing _that_ but just ignores it because you're _'her baby'_" he scoffed

"She has _nothing_ to ignore" I insisted the lie in a hiss "I-"

"Mitsuo- Feet. Off. Sofa!" Mum ordered as the sauntered into the room, interrupting the conversation perfectly "God, do you two ever stop arguing?" she asked as I kicked my legs off.

"It wasn't an argument, it was merely a conversation about Mitsuo growing up a little bit" dad told her softly. I scowled at him, slouching on the sofa with the bowl perched on my chest.

"There's nothing wrong with me…"

"I can't be so sure" dad snorted.

I stuffed another mouthful of rice into my gob to keep busy before I yelled something I would regret. I finished my food and then made my escape back to my room, passing Goron on the way and scooping him, I whisked him off with me.

I lied on my bed, Goron lying across my torso, mouthing my hand playfully. I ignored the feeling of his sharp puppy teeth gnawing my skin and focused on the ceiling. _Anything. Just anything. Why can't something interesting happen? This vicious circle is suffocating me. I need relief, anything…_

At 7, I slowly got ready to go out, drawing black along my water line in liner, brushing and restyling my hair into a black fluffy mess with red tips. I grabbed my wallet, checking for cash and stuffed it in my coat pocket. I pulled on my black boots, tightening the buckles before finally heading out, yelling out a "see ya later" to my parents.

"Mitsi! MITSI!" My mother yelled, running towards me before I was even half way out the front the door. "What time will you be back?"

"I don't know" I shrugged. "1? 2? I might crash on a friend's sofa-"

"Must you?"

I shrugged, before giving a small smile and leaving, heading off to meet my drinking buddies at the pub. The night air was chilled, and hummed a ghostly tune. I couldn't wait for spring to replace this dreaded winter. No more needs for 7 blankets or wrapping up so much I look like a baby in one of those starfish costumes, unable to move. I picked up speed and rushed to my destination, determined to get out this horrid freezing air. As soon as I stepped in the warm, familiar building, the smell of cigarette smoke thick in the air, I spotted Niya already at the bar and chatting away to the barman, Zuki. We'd got to know the old man well over the years. He's a nice man but I do now realise how irresponsible he was. He sold me, specifically, alcohol since I was 14, and has always given us 'a round on the house' since the band got together.

I hadn't been aware of which day it was that day, until it hit 10 o'clock. In a blink of the eye, the pub was raging with people and music was blearing; it was Friday. I always have had mixed feelings about Friday pub nights. There are so many people and I'm not sure if I enjoy the socializing more then I hate the claustrophobic bustle. I didn't let it bother me. It's not like they were all going to attack Niya, Ruka and myself for being in Nightmare, as all the people here were the regulars. I knew most of their names too, and if I didn't know that then I was perfectly aware of their reputation.  
Mizaki, Kazuki, Karin, Satsuki, Rin, Erica the swedish girl, Midori, girl aoi, boy aoi, the ex-prostitute, Haruko, Ren, Rei, Miki, extremely-bi-guy, stalker guy, Mei…  
And so on. Generally, everyone knows everyone. It's a rarity to find someone in the bar who wasn't a regular. Which I why what happened shocked me so, I guess…

"Poor neko boy is too small to be in the club!" Ruka laughed, slapping me hard on the back and knocking me out of my day dream. _Got to do this, got to do that. This must be done by then, this must be done by when?_

"Oit, don't diss the height!" I shoved the taller musician playfully, earning a belly-full laugh from Niya

"Dude we weren't talking about your height!"

"It was your dick size little buddy!"

The two I fondly call my best friends started cackling uncontrollably.

"oh come on!" I whined, officially fed up with the long running line of jokes about 'that'. _It all started with one joke made by Yomi, and now the whole band is at and is making no sign of dropping it!_

"Don't worry, Hitsu" Niya wrapped his arm round my shoulders, still with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Yeah… I'll buy you a new one!" and Ruka set it off again, both man cackling madly.

"No… No! We should stretch it"

Ruka choked on his own laughter "Fuck yeah, we'll put his dick in a ballista and pull it until it's a decent length!"

"B-ballista?" Niya spluttered "I think that's for throwing stuff dude"

The laughter stopped….

"Well one of those pulling contraptions, anyway-"

"I've got a better idea! You pin him down and sit on him, and-

"You pull?!"

"Right!"

They weren't finished with the crude comedy, but I was and downed my drink and left them at the table, giggling like school girls. I sighed to myself, slowly making my way through the crowd absent- minded. I was a foot away from the bar when I was ripped from my thoughts when someone knocked into me, almost knocking me over if it wasn't for them quickly grabbing my wrist.

"Woah…" I let out drunkenly, my eyes wide and still staring at the floor, my vision suddenly dancing.

"Sorry dude, I-"

I looked up at the guy with foggy vision. He seemed to be standing very still, with his head tilted to one side.

"Do I know you?" he asked in a voice so familiar.

"I, er…" I gave my head a little shake and cleared my throat, my sight becoming clear "I don't know" I get a little laugh. This was when I realised the guy was still holding my wrist, quite tightly now. I leaned closer to the bar and grabbed the attention of the Zuki, the barman, and made a quick order.

"Hitsugi?" the guy spoke as if it was a question.

"Er, yeah…" I gave my hand a little shake but he held on tight.

"Hell, it is you!" he beamed with sparkling teeth. "Don't you remember me?"

I shook my head slowly, a look of worry was glued to myself and refused to fall. The boy, his hair red and black like mine but styled very different, looked down and saw his hand tight on my wrist and let go quickly.

"S-sorry" He stuttered out, embarrassed. I swear he would have been blushing if it wasn't for all the foundation plastered on his face. He ruffled his hair and then finally looked at me again, a smirked stretching his lips.

The barman brought my drink and I passed in the cash from my pocket. I quickly began gulping down the beer as I felt the uncomfortable feeling of the guy getting closer to me.

"Does having so much metal on your face make you slouch forward when you walk?"

That's when it clicked. Those brown eyes, that voice, the sudden loss and then regain of confidence…

"Kihiri?" I put down my half-filled glass as the worry left my face and was replaced with pure shock.

"Well" he laughed, rubbing his neck. He said something, just as loud cheer filled the pub. We both gave a tiny nervous laugh before he repeated himself. "I don't actually go by that stage name anymore" he took a shot that sat on the counter quickly gulping it down, still look at me. He hit the table, gaining the attention of the barmaid who quickly refilled it and then placed it next to him again

"Oh. Then what?"

"R-" Kihiri was interrupted as a tall guy with a hair style like a bird attacked him with an embrace.

"Ruki…" the guy slurred, his face very close Kihiri's "Uru is being mean, he" the strange man paused in mid-sentence and began to laugh uncontrollably, slowly slipping down his friends body until he was on the floor clinging to Kihiri's legs. Kihiri's brown eyes looked up at me through a black and red fringe, one eyebrow raised.

"Ruki I take it" I spoke flatly, earning a nod before 'Ruki' downed the new shot.

"That's Reita" he said straight after swallowing, pointing at his mess of a friend "He was the bassist in Ma'die Kusse"

A quick look at his friend's face did nothing to give me any memory of ever seeing him, but I nodded with a smile. Reita got up from Ruki's leg and stumbled off through the crowds.  
There were so many questions I wanted to ask Kihiri- Ruki, but the crowded pub didn't seem like such a good idea. This time, I was the one doing the wrist grabbing as I downed the last of my beer before drunkenly pulling him through the crowd and into the men's bathroom. Considering it was a bathroom, it was pretty much abandoned. As Yomi had put the explanation- 'no need for a bathroom when there's a back alley, empty glasses, or an ugly chick's handbag'. Beautiful, ay?

The door closed slowly behind us with loud, echoing creeks, while we stood there staring at each other while the sudden coldness of the bathroom hit us, and its bright lights burned our eyes. Ruki stared at me with a confused look.

"Thought it was better to talk" I said, clearing my throat.

Ruki nodded "kay"

There was an awkward paused.

"How you been?" he asked, folding his arms.

"Good. You?"

"Awesome"

The awkward silence returned. With a sigh, I forced a thought threw my mouth. I can't help but think that I probably wouldn't have said it if I didn't have so much alcohol in my system. I handled alcohol well, but it did have its early effects, of course.

"Not to sound like a girl or anything" I began, looking away from him as my face began to heat up. "But why did you ignore me?"

"Ignore you?"

"You never replied to my texts"

"I lost my phone"

I frowned, still unable to look at him "Course you did"

"No really!" Ruki sounded almost desperate. "I don't know where, I don't know how, but I couldn't find it! You can ask Reita, I was so stressed about losing it!"

I merely nodded, nothing to say and unsure if I believed him.

"I heard Nightmare is doing well"

"Yep. We're going places" I gave a nervous laugh, my eyes still stuck to the blue and green tiled floor. "I take it Mad'ie Kusse is-"

"Over? Long over. I'm in a new band"

"Oh. Name?"

"The Gazette"

A light turned on my head as I remember the song I'd seen played on a music channel earlier. "Ruder?"

"Yeah that's one of ours!" Ruki laughed.

"You're the drummer of Ruder?" I asked, trying to remember the drummer as best I could but gaining nothing.

"Nope. The singer"

That made more sense. I gave him a small smile "Congratulations to getting where you are"

Ruki laughed at me.

"So what you doing here?" I asked "Tour?"

"Yep We're not like you, we don't do big venues yet" Ruki tittered, before running his fingers through his hair, gazing at me. "I've missed you" he whispered with a faint smile.

I looked at him, properly this time. I searched those chocolate eyes for deceit or sarcasm but found nothing. I swallowed while a small, nervous smile stretched upon my lips as I whispered out weakly "I missed you too".

Ruki slowly stepped closer to me until we were just inches apart.

"You've changed" he declared, face deadpanned.

"You can talk!" I scoffed "You're not Kihiri anymore; literally"

Ruki turned his head to the side and gazed at the floor before looking back at me with a glint in his eyes. "I wouldn't say that…" He scratched the back of his neck as he asked out "How's the love life.

For a second, I was stunned by the question, freezing for a comment before clearing my throat for the millionth time and finally answered with a simple, jokey-

"It's non-existent"

I watched Kihiri's head turned to totally face mine, an evil grin on his face, before his mouth pounced on mine. His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me closed to him. I was stunned, unable to move. _Push him away! Push him away! Get him off GET HIM OFF!_ I wrapped my arms round his shoulders and kissed back. I opened my mouth a little and as did he, his tongue slipping into my mouth shortly after and began massaging my own. I melted into the kiss, the thing I'd longed for so long. A loud slam made me rip away. A man outside the bathroom door swore loudly 'why won't it fucking open?!' as he tried to pull the push door. I thought on my toes, grabbing Ruki and pulling him into a cubical, locking the door behind us. I could feel Ruki's confused stare as my own eyes stared at the ceiling, listening hard. The entry door opened, as the clacking of heeled boots echoed in the bathroom. The room was almost silent as me and Ruki held our breaths, the only sounds being the muffled noise from outside and the man's odd little tut to himself. I guessed he was looking in a mirror. Minutes passed then the sound of moving returned.

We heard the person leave.

We both let out heavy breaths before looking at each other, grinning like idiots. Ruki flicked his hair out his eyes with a swish of his head, my eyes still linked with him. A light blush appeared across his cheeks. _Damn it Ruki, if you don't do it then I will!_ I grabbed him and forced another kiss. Ruki gasped but didn't retreat away. He grabbed my hair and pushed our mouths closer together, our teeth biting and our tongues tying themselves together like two pieces of soft ribbon. Ruki moaned into the kiss, his body relaxing slightly. I smirked and pushed him against the wall behind him. Disconnecting out lips and sending my teen down into his shoulder.

"F-fuck!" he spat, pushing his shoulder into my mouth. _Ouch, actually…._

Before I knew it, I was undoing his belt and within a blink his lower body was free to all garments, his dignity out in the air and lost. Our lips remained locked as, one handed, I undid my own pants and underwear buttons, leaving my clothes on but pulling out my sex. I didn't need to take my clothes off did I? _ … Now._ With little preparation done, I wrapped arm round his waist and used my other to lift his leg up above my own hip and entered him, unskilfully and not exactly kindly. Ruki shook his head fiercely at the pain, but ordered for me to carry on. As gently as the drunken me could do, I allowed him to get used to the feeling before I began to pick up pace. Ruki kissed me harder, wrapping his arms tighter round my neck. I released his hip and took hold of his manhood, pumping as fast as I could, trying to keep it at a decent angle. I changed the angle I slammed into his body and fe-

_Kihiri gasp in what I believed to be agony. I froze in my movements._

"_Shit-" I swore, pulling away "Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?! I-" Kihiri crashed his lips back into mine, ordering against my lips-_

"_Shut up" he stopped the kiss and shook a strand a hair from his eyes. _

"_But if I hurt you-"_

"_You did…" Kihiri pants "You did it right" _

"_What?" _

"_Shut up and hit it again!" he spat before pulling me back down to smack out mouths together in a fierce kiss "Fuck me, don't stay still!"_

I almost wanted to laugh at the thoughts, but my mind was quickly distracted as Ruki pulled at my hair and pulled me away from his mouth, throwing his head back.

"Hitsu, I…" he groaned, pressing his nails deep into my back until blood ran. "I love…"

Still moving, frankly unable to stop as the familiar feeling began to build in my body, I stared at Ruki whose eyes were tightly shut.

"I love you-" _He's loves me?_

A loud moan fell from his lips as his mixture covered my hand in his sticky mixture. As I came myself, hitting into him with all my might as I rode the orgasm that tightened every muscle in my body and squeezed my lungs, Ruki spoke again.

"I love…" he panted, pulling his fringe out of his eyes "I love your way of doing things" he let out a little, tired laughed.

My face feel slightly but he didn't seem to notice as he drunkenly smiled at me before diving in his head and planting kisses and small nips on my flesh. I tried to cheer myself up but found it difficult, even with his lips decoration my neck. The sound of the bathroom door opening brought us to attention.

"Ru, you in here?" called a voice I didn't recognise

"Yeah Uru, I'll be out in a second" Ruki called back.

The person replied with a stretched 'kay' before leaving. Without a word said, Ruki grabbed his underwear and pulled on while I hid my dignity back in my jeans. Doing up my hoodie as I noticed the stain on the front from our activities, I left the cubical with a smirk, earning a panicked 'hey!' from Ruki, who was still in his underwear. I went to the sink and rinsed the gunk off my hand, my head spinning and my body swaying, a muffled hum slipping through my lips. I chewed on my lip ring thoughtful as I shook my hands in the sink to get over the extra water. I heard the creak of the cubicle door swing open then the tap of Ruki's feet on the china flooring. I felt the warm feeling of his head leaning on my shoulder blade. He sighed.

"I missed doing that" he murmured.

I gave a weak, little laugh "We only did it once before-"

"Once was enough to become addicted." Ruki removed his head and heaved another sigh. "Hitsu?"

"Hmm?"

"I just want you to know something. The next thing I'm about to do isn't because of you. It's the alcohol" he explained in a matter-of-fact manner.

I looked at his reflection in the mirror. I blink at him "Okay" I finally said, unsure of how to answer.

"Thank you" Ruki gave a little bow before clearing his throat.

With a turn of his heel, he ran back into another cubicle and locked the door. I frowned, utterly confused, before Ruki's actions were made clear when the foul sound of him puking was heard. I cringed, leaning back on the sink bar, unsure of what to do.

"Hitsu!" Ruki called.

_Oh god, please don't ask me to hold your hair back or something. Please don't, please don't-_

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to hang-" his line was cut off by sound very horrid hacking and spluttering "hang about. I-I'll see you out at the bar"

"You sure?" I didn't want to stay with him. The sound of anyone throwing up had my stomach turning in seconds, but I felt rude just leaving. I was relieved when he denied me, leaving me free to leave. I left.

I found Niya and Ruka again. They hadn't moved from their original spots but were clearly a lot drunker. I sat back down in my seat and was greeted happily by the two, who both hugged me and rambled on about things that didn't make sense. I quickly grabbed the barmaid's attention and ordered a double. Then again. Then again. I kept on ordering until I passed out on Niya's lap, caressing his thigh like it was Goron before I fully gone. I woke up in his house too. Although he had been kind enough to take me home with him, he hadn't bothered to put me in a bed or even on the sofa. Instead, I woke up the next day stuck to the tiles of his kitchen floor by my own sweat. I peeled myself off and limped to his front door.

"Niya…!" I yelled out before opening it.

"QUIET!" he boomed from his bed room.

I fiddled with the door knob, rubbing my tongue round my mouth unsure of the left over flavour from last night's beer.

"Fuck you!" I called up to him, before opening the door and practically falling out of it, slamming it behind me.

In a wobbly fashion, I stumbled home, passing school kids who gave me quizzical looks at my messy still-drunken state. Once I had found my home, which seemed to have moved location to me for some reason, I fell on my knees in front of the door and stuffed my hands in my pocket for my keys. I cheered when I found them, clapping my hands and smiling like a proud child. I winced as the sound made my head throb. I began to try and shove the key in its hole, but found myself just prodding the golden seal around it, focusing hard. I was confused when the door disappeared and I found myself prodding my key on a set of legs. I looked up awkwardly to see my dad scowling over me.

"And where have you been?"

To which I replied without meaning or sense "Hehhhh…." In a high voice, sounding almost like a deflating balloon. I giggled at myself before trying to stand up, falling back on to my knees and laughing harder. The next time I looked up, my mother was standing at the door, a sad look on her face.

"Mummy!" I cried with glee, holding my arms up to her as if I was three again. "You so pretty…" I smiled at her, before frowning at my dad "So why do I have to look like a squashed version of him?"

"Get in!" dad ordered

I rocked side to side with a silly grin on my face as I sang "Yoru me ga samete aitakunatte!" (I want to see you awake at night).

"Mitsuo-"

"I wrote that, did you know that? I wrote that" I stood up, as my face fell. I hung my head as if I was in shame.

"Mitsuo, get in!"

"I wrote that about Kihiri…" I mumbled looking up, my eyes gluing to my mother, utterly ignoring my father. "Mama, why does it hurt?"

My mother gave me a sad look, reaching out to me and taking my hand. "Come on in, darling" she said softly. She pulled me in to a hug as I heard her whispered to my dad "Leave this to me, he'll be okay. I've got him"

My dad huffed, but his footsteps still echoed away.

"Mama…" I whispered on her shoulder.

She rubbed my back soothingly, kissing the top of my head. "it's okay baby" she shushed me in a wonderful , soft voice. "Come on" she gently prized me off her "let's get you to bed" she breathed, patting down her dressing gown before grabbing my hand and pulling me upstairs. She dragged me up the stairs, keeping an eye on me as she went and took me to my room. She helped me in my bed, still dressed accept for shoes and jacket, and tucked me in, stroking my now tear stained cheeks.

"What's the matter with you…" She spoke fondly, like she stating something and not asking.

"Mama, I saw him again" I mumbled, wiping the tears away.

She cocked her head to one side "Where?"

"Pub… His band is in town…" I lolled my head to the side and looked at the clock. 7:57 it read. I couldn't have slept on Niya's floor for very long… 2 hours maybe? No wonder I was still drunk.

"What happened sweet heart?" she asked with a very serious face.

I covered my own and curled up in my bed. I cried again.

"Oh, Mi-chan…" my mum pulled me into a hug "You really are still my little boy, aren't you?" she kissed the top of my head "So fragile" I clung to her like a baby monkey, desperate for the comfort only a mother could give to her child "You're not so little anyone" she laughed weakly.

"I am…" I argued "Compared to most"

"Compared to me you're big"

"Don't say that… I don't want to big. I want to be little. I want to be little all over again. Then I wouldn't be like this. I'd just watch telly, pull people's hair and draw cats all day long. None of this shit bothering me… Kihiri not bothering me."

I prized myself away from my mother and snuggled up back in bed, cuddling myself and staring at the clock.

At some point I feel asleep, my mum caressing my hair as she comforted me, promising she wouldn't tell dad. I made her promise every time I ever spoke about Kihiri-Ruki to her. I never told dad about Kihiri, but he heard me speaking about him on several occasions. Mum told me he had come to the conclusion that Kihiri had been 'some girl' who 'got away' and that I had always regretted it. I never corrected my dad as him thinking that seemed a lot safer to me than him knowing that Kihiri was 'some guy' who 'took my virginity' and never contacted me again, and therefor leaving me 'heartbroken' and as 'some guy' who has just managed to seduce me without even trying that hard. I wasn't expecting contact with him after this. We didn't exchange phone numbers, or at least I didn't remember doing so. I checked my phone to see if I had added a new contact but there was nothing. I tried to forget what had happened just like last time. The new problem was that I didn't just remember it because it was Ruki, but because it was the worst sex I've ever had. It felt good and all that, yes, but it was just…

It was in a pub bathroom, in a cubicle.  
I had been fully clothed, which I don't like during sex. (almost) Naked-ness please! Just with vest to cover up  
The person I did it with threw up 5 minutes afterwards- not a good ending.  
Oh yeah, and I thought he was going to say something, and it turned out he was saying another.

It was, technically, a drunk quicky with an 'old flame' in a men's pub bathroom, I hadn't even bothered to take my clothes off and it had ended with someone puking.

Not romantic in anyway and not exactly my idea of 'sexy' either. I'm not saying I think every time I have sex that it should be romantic. Sex is fun! I went through a phase just last year where I would get drunk after or before a show, find a girl who showed interest in me, take her out back or into an empty room, 'do her' until I was bored or worn out, then give her a very inappropriate and heartless goodbye of 'thanks' and leave her. I feel bad about doing that now. Only two of them were fans, the rest were girls who had no clue of me who were just too drunk or vulnerable. The last time I did that it was a fan. She was fine with it all but then she started crying in the middle of 'it'. I stopped and found myself cuddling and comforting her. I felt so bad. She was such a little thing with the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen. I felt worse when I found out she was 16 and not 19 like I had thought. I was 20, only four years older, but I had already set my boundary as 18 years old as I believed that any girl under that age was likely to not be mentally mature enough for this kind of thing. Saying that, it wasn't exactly a very mature thing for me to do in the first place was it?

Thinking about it, maybe all that was just my way of trying to overcome or hide the feelings I had about what happened with Kihiri-Ruki.  
Or maybe, right now, I'm still trying to make excuse for my actions.

I got on with my life as I tried to forget everything, distracting myself with silly and useless tasks. I cleaned the entire house, took Goron to the vets, helped my parents pack for their holiday and practised for 6 hours straight every day. I didn't speak to Ruki the entire two weeks. Then I got a phone call.

It was the day after my parents left for their holiday. Dad gave me a list of things I should and shouldn't do and mum simply gave me direction in the house to find objects I doubted that I'd actually need. With a hug from both and a goodbye, they were gone and I was alone. Forgetting and ignoring became a little bit more difficult once they left as I had used them as a distraction. I threw myself harder into my work, before finishing the day in a pathetic, lonely way; drinking a whole bottle of pure vodka in front of the tele until I passed out, Goron curled up on my lap.  
The next morning I awoke to find my mum's cat Jui sleeping on half my face, completely proud and happy about it too it seemed. After 10 minutes of prizing the annoying animal off of me, I staggered into the bathroom washed my hands, a strange habit I had attained from when I was a teenager and the boiler exploded. That's how I got my scar. I went through a period of time where I was terrified of the wounds getting infected, to constantly wash and scrubbed my hands to rid dirt. The habit stayed, but it wasn't a bad thing was it, now really? It's just good hygiene. I examined my appearance in the mirror before a faraway buzzing sound caught my attention. Drying my hands on my shirt, I followed my hearing to find my phone buzzing madly from an unknown number. I accepted the call and courteously held the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I answer anxiously

"Hitsugi?"

"Ruki?"

"Oh, good! He gave me the right number…" Ruki breathed in relief

"Who?"

"Niya. Uruha caught up with him in the bar a few nights ago. They got quite friendly and exchanged numbers. I took Niya's number from Uru, phoned him, and he gave me yours." Ruki explained "To be honest, by his tone I was convinced he'd given me a fake number!" he laughed

"Nah" I sniggered "Niya likes to annoy but that's a little out of character for him"

"uh huh?"

The conversation fell silent. I heard Ruki swallow in the background.

"Listen…" he began "I just want to, you know… Apologise for the other night" he sounded shy and awkward again "That and I didn't want it to be like last time. Where we don't communicate for 2 years"

I gave a weak laugh, though nothing was funny at all really.

We chatted for a while; just casual talk about life and our bands and things; little things. We spoke for half an hour before Ruki made an excuse of having to meet someone and the phone call ended. I felt satisfied with this, and spent the rest of the morning in utter bliss. It wasn't long after 1pm, as I lounged on the sofa watching YuYu Hakusho, I gently fell back to sleep in peace.

When I awoke, I heard a hard tapping.

Ratta-tat-tat

I frowned, still as a rock as I listened, trying to work out the sound's whereabouts. I doubted that it was Goron causing trouble. It didn't sound like an electrical appliance busting…  
Ratta-tat-tat. I rolled my eyes as sleep cleared from my mind and the answer became obvious.

Someone was at the door.

I groggily forced myself off with a yawn, pushing myself to my feet. I raised my arms and stretched, hearing my spine click. I clicked my neck before staggering off to the front door, catching the sight of the clock. 18:09. _Who would knock now? I doubt most of my mates would. If they want me, they text me. If I don't answer, well… To put it bluntly, they think- 'Fuck you Hitsu!' _  
I yawned again as I pulled the door open. In front of me, stood the last person I had expected.

"Hey Hitsugi…" Ruki spoke almost solemnly

"Hey" was all I could squeak out. I cleared my throat before I asked "'sup?"

"Nothing…" he shook his head "Just came to see you" he swung his arms at his sides, looking away from me like a shy child "see if everything is cool between us" he flicked his hair from his eyes.

"Of course it is" I smiled "It was nothing"

It may have been me saying it, but the line felt like a sharp, cold stab into my heart.

Ruki nodded and I swallowed down the building saliva.

"Want to come in?"

"Alright" Ruki replied a little too quickly.

I gave a little giggle to show I wasn't fazed, if he noticed, then cleared the door way and allowed my guest to step inside. Ruki muttered thanks.

"It's nothing" I beamed shutting the door behind him "Sorry if I seem slow or out of it" I apologised, my hand clasped in front of my body "I'm only just got up"

"Did I wake you?" Ruki laughed, his infamous confidence quickly returning "Sorry about that"

"Not at all! If I had carried on sleeping I won't sleep tonight"

"You like your sleep?" Ruki quizzed as I led us through the small hall way and to the kitchen.

"Yes, but it's usually a blessed thing. I'm running on 3 to 4 hours sleep a night most of the time"

"Only 4? I have at least 7"

"You're lucky" I headed to the fridge "Drink? I've got coffee, coke…"

"Coffee is good"

"Perfect"

I quickly brewed the warm drinks before we sat down on the sofa. Conversing was uncomfortable. I did my best but subjects went as fast as they came. Ruki seemed distant from me. It made me wonder why he was here. Why was he here if he wasn't going to talk to me properly? An idea zapped into my head that might just make him talkative.

"Fancy some vodka?"

_**Looks like its going to be more than two chapters as planned xD  
It's a shame this isn't/won't get much attention as this couple isn't exactly popular, since I'm actually quite proud of this fic so far**_

_**Enjoy! And please review! I love to know what people think.**_


	3. Bad

I remember getting the vodka out, two large bottles. I handed one to a rather surprised Ruki who gave a nervous laugh before shrugging. As soon as I started downing, so did he- and fast! Conversation quickly became simply and I began to feel at ease. Half an hour after the bottles were out, both had been downed and, I was sitting crossed legged on the sofa chewing my sleeve and watching a topless Ruki stroll barefooted round the house, eyeing everything. He cleared his throat turning to me with a strange expression.

"A lady lives here" he announced still eyeing everything like a detective, seeming to be unimpressed, worried or saddened by his conclusion.

"Yeah, a lady does. I call her mum"

Ruki was bent over in hysterics at the sentence as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. He fell to the floor with his arms wrapped round his stomach, one foot stomping the wooden floor. Once calm and only slightly wheezing, he turned to me. "Got any beer?"

In seconds the beer was out, and minutes later four cans were empty. Mine were discarded to the floor, while Ruki had towered them on top of each other, staring at his tower in awe. I can't remember who started it, but only a minute passed before I was chasing him about the room. I caught him round the waist, capsizing us onto the sofa in fits of giggles.

"My turn to get you!" Ruki spoke in a childish way with a sneaky grin.

My heart jumped and I quickly set off out the room, Ruki on my heels. I ran up the stairs, giggling at the thought that a topless guy was currently chasing me round my own house. I ran to a place of security; my bedroom. I ran to my bed but Ruki grabbed me in the same way I had grabbed him. Difference was he threw me on to the bed, climbing on top of me and straddling me. My cackles soon began to fade to such a simply smile. Ruki smirked down at me, his eyes half closed and glittering. One hand rose to my check, slowly stroking it as he whispered in a husky voice.

"So perfect without make up…" his hand drifted from my cheek, down my neck, past my shoulders, then down my arm and stopped at my wrist. I felt his spare hand rest on the other wrist.

I frowned, confused "wha-?"

I jumped as Ruki raised my hands above my head and kissed my lips softly.  
For once, I wasn't the dominate one… And I liked it.

As Ruki gave me a kiss laced with passion, he forced both my wrists together so he could hold them there with one hand. His now spare hand moved to undo just two buttons on my shirt, before it wriggled down to the hem. Before I could stop him, his hand sneaked up my shirt and slid across my skin; so close to the damaged flesh. When I realised what was happening, I panicked. I tried to remove my hands from his grip but his hold was too strong and tight. I squeaked as his hand ran across the familiar scar, the familiar burden.

"Still so cute" he whispered, looking at my scared expression, before he moved his lips to my shoulders and began to suck on the flesh that was exposed from the open buttons of my shirt.

I moaned as the feeling of his teeth pinching my skin and his tongue lashing across. I raised my chest as I began to feel adrenalin run through my body in sudden excitement. The corners of my mouth shook, unable to decide whether to frown or smile at what he just said. "I'm not" I grumbled out.

"Are" Ruki lifted his head back up to me, smiling "You so are" he began to kiss my lightly parted lips, the taste of vodka still strong. His hands moved quickly to unfasten my shirt and slipped off my shoulders, throwing it carelessly off the bed. He stopped the kiss again, his arms pulling us close, mine holding him tighter.

"My baby" he muttered, pecking my lips once.

"Your baby?" I laughed, even though he seemed so serious.

"Mmhmm. You're my baby"

"I'm not a baby!"

"Well you're mine" Ruki wriggled close to me, his cheek on my shoulder "Sometimes I forget…" he allowed his voice to slip away from him.

"Forget what?"

"How… Why I ever let you go so easily"

He turned his head up so our gazes locked. I swallowed, unsure of what to say. His eyes left my own, shooting to the side and settling on something else. He frowned.

"What's that?" he muttered curiously, his hand leaving the scar and stretching out to grab something sticking of my bedside drawer.

My eyes widened as I realised what he had seen. Once again, I was too late. My whole body tensed as I stared at the see-through packet of weed. Ruki's eyes shot to me, before he quickly placed the weed on my stomach and opened the drawer entirely, his hand sieving through.

"W-what are you doing?" I stuttered out in nerves.

"Papers and backy" Ruki explained with a smirk.

"Wait… you-"

"Come on, please? I'll pay you if you want-"

"NO no!" I interrupted as his hand let go on my wrists, setting me free. "I meant like… You smoke…"

"Yeah, I do all that every now and again. Who doesn't?" He shrugged his shoulders as if it was something so simple.

I shrugged my shoulders nervously. I heard Ruki's proud 'ah ha!' as he found where I hidden everything. He pulled them out and quickly got to work rolling a joint, humming under his breath. I frowned as I recognised the tune but had no idea where from.

"What are you singing?"

"No.666…" he muttered

"Who sings it?"

Ruki slowly looked up, lightly smirking as he said "Me"

I gave a little laugh but said nothing else. I wasn't sure why exactly I felt embarrassed by the conversation. I watched as Ruki rolled the joint, licking the edge and sealing it. He stared at it for a second, looking thoughtful.

"You know what-" He picked the papers, backy, and light up and placed it on the table "We'll smoke this after" he winked at me, putting the joint next to my lighter.

"After what?" I blinked.

"Don't be dumb!"

Before I could protest, Ruki's mouth was locked back on to mine, his hip lightly grinding against my own. He grabbed my hands and moved them to his abdomen. After all these years, I still wasn't fast enough for him at the build-up. I quickly got to work on undoing his belt. Ruki giggled against my lips as his hands reached for my own belt buckle. We undid them in a flash pulling everything off and discarding them to my bedroom floor. I took my top off but quickly grabbed my shirt off the carpet, still determined to not have my scar fully on show. Ruki either didn't care or didn't notice as he dived back to my lips desperately. It was during the make out session that I noticed something; I was in the 'girl's' position.

'_Fuck no! If he's thinking he's gunna… Hell no. Er… Flip!'_

I quickly flipped him so he was underneath me. Ruki pouted at me with big blue contacts

"Spoiling my fun… Shouldn't you be girl this time?"

"Never" I grinned down at him.

Ruki smiled fondly, his hands reaching up to lace through my hair.

"Your hair used to be so long…" he muttered. "You actually look like a guy now"

"Thanks dude, so kind" I laughed with a smirk, shaking my head at him.

"Don't call me dude right before you're about to-"

This time I got to silence him. Another nice change. Ruki wrapped his arms round my neck, pulling me closer to him as we kissed. He paused the kiss again.

"This is your parent's house, right?" Ruki puffed out, flicking a piece of hair from his eyes

"Lamely enough yeah"

"Well" Ruki brought his mouth to my ear "Wanna do something" His voice was only a mere whisper "Bad?"

I frowned "Maybe I do…" I sat up, staring at him with lustful eyes.

"I hope you can read minds"

"I hope I can"

Ruki winked at me "Get off then" he order with a dirty smirk.

I shrugged smugly, climbing off him and standing next to the bed. He got up himself, walking up to my side and nuzzling my ear like a cat before nipping at my neck, his arms wrapped round me.

"Let's defile your parent's bed... Yeah?" Ruki's hand wondered down my body to fiddle with the hem of my boxers.

I mumbled a weak reply.

"Take me then" Ruki whispered, taking a step away from me.

I took his hand and pulled him slowly to my parent's room down the hall. It felt so wrong but at the same time so exciting. I never went into my parent's room. Never. I had no need to go in there, accept to knock on the always closed door if I needed one of them. I twisted the knob and entered the room that was only fairly familiar to me. The bedroom smelt of my mother's old perfume and the air was warm. The curtains were already closed and the bed was freshly made. Everything was neat and tidy. But not for long… I heard Ruki close the door behind us. I turned round, jumping slightly at the slam. Ruki was leaning back against the door, his hands behind him and one foot pressed against the wood. His head was dipped down so he was looking up at me with large, lustful eyes. He looked like my idea of the perfect seducer; he did his job so well. He reached out his hand, grabbing me by the collar.

"Hitsu" he whispered in a sultry voice, pulling me closer.

He lifted his head, his eyes half lidded and a small smile on his face. Just the sight of him was turning me on more and more by the second; he didn't even have to touch me for a reaction now. He pulled me closer until we were chest to chest but our lips not touching. He bucked his hips into mine, straight into my hardening sex. I groaned at the feeling I received from the part of my body that I just wanted to satisfy. Ruki let go on my collar, his hand running down my body and stopping at my crotch. Before I knew it, a sensation mixed with pain and ecstasy hit me like a train. Ruki grabbed my sex firmly, earning a moan of… I don't know. I couldn't decide if I liked the feeling or not.

"You said you were a sado-masochist." Ruki whispered to me "So I'm hurting you, why aren't you hurt me?" his voice was just begging for anything and everything I could do to him.

Without a thought, I throw myself at him, sinking my teeth straight into his neck, one of my hands pulling his hair while the other one gave him the same treatment he was giving me.

"F-fuck Histu…" Ruki choked out, bucking into my non-to-kind hand "Oh god" he moaned, leaning his head back, his breath heavy. "Oh god Hitsu"

His voice had broken me. I couldn't hold back any more. I ripped myself from him, grabbing him by the shoulders, flying him round and throwing him on the bed. I pounced on him, biting his shoulders while he screamed and moaned in a twisted pleasure from pain, my other hand pulling his last garment off until he was fully naked beneath me. He struggled with his breath, his hands in my hair, as blood ran down his shoulders. He shook his head, waking himself up before he pulled at my own boxers, pushing them down until all I wore was my unbuttoned shirt. For a second, we stared at each other, breathless and silence. Ruki pulled me down by the collar, forcing his lips on me passionately, his hips bucking against my own as he moaned in to the heated kiss. I felt Ruki's leg bend, his knee dragging up my side causing my skin to tingle. I quickly took this as a sign and paused the kiss, to stick my three middle fingers in my mouth and coat it with my saliva. I sat up slightly, one hand flat on the bed to hold me up. I took it out, admiring my spit work. As I put my middle finger in to do the same, I felt Ruki's own fingers sliding up my arm, his eyes had a look of awe in them as he gazed at my face. Both his hands wondered up and down my body, both out lining my muscles.

"Wanna know something?" He whispered out.

I carried on sucking my finger, cocking my head to one side to indicate that I did want to know this 'something'.

"Watching you suck your fingers is hotter than hell" He spoke in a sultry voice, lifting himself up onto his elbows so he could speak right to my face.

I removed my fingers from my lips with a pop, before turning my face to his. I gazed at his face and he gazed in to mine. I smiled at him, before diving my head to his neck and beginning to suck hard on his pale flesh. I rolled off him to make my work of preparing him easier for myself, still sucking his flesh, pushing him straight down on to the bed. Ruki lent his head back, letting out a gentle moan while my saliva covered fingers drove to his entrance, one entering inside of him. I felt his hips twitch, his breathing laboured. He hissed as I added a second. I released his flesh and began leading kisses from his neck and up back to his lips. He lifted himself up again to crash his on to mine as soon as he could feel my breath on the corner of his mouth. He kissed me hungrily, his tongue dancing with mine, our spit mixing together perfectly like vodka and tonic. His arms began to slide slowly, bring him back down to be flat on the bed. I followed him, determined to keep out lips together, as in a parting of our lips would kill me. I felt I'd die if Ruki was suddenly gone. I hadn't felt so alive for a very long time. The cubicle sex didn't count…

As my third finger entered him, Ruki killed the kiss. He hissed in pain, covering his eyes with his arm. I paused, asking if he was alright with honest concern in my voice.

"Yeah…" he struggled out "Don't stop. Do it" he ordered in a strain voice.

I nodded, though he couldn't see through his own arm, and carried on prepping him. Ruki carried on making sounds of discomfort. Once they began to weaken and become less frequent, I removed his hand and pulled his arm away from his eyes. I looked at my fingers, once again seeing blood. I looked at him, unsure of how to react. Ruki looked at the blood too, then shrugged. His wide contact eyes moved to stare at me, before I slow brought my lips down on his and started another kiss, the feeling of being alive building up again. As I kissed him, I moved my body to enter him slowly. He grunted, before wrapping his arms across me and beginning to drag his sharp nails across my back like knives. I knew I'd be bleeding soon. Unlike last time, entering him reminded me of our first. I laughed to myself a little as I remembered thinking about how much better it felt being inside him than having his mouth around my sex. My whole body tensed, excitement increasing at the worth of Ruki's insides round my manhood.

"Faster" he whispered against my lips.

"What the hell…" I forced out, my throat feeling tight "I'm not even in properly yet" I ran my fingers through my hair, jolting my head to one side to keep my parting in place.

"Shut up" Ruki laughed lightly, kissing me again.

"You started it" I mumbled against his lips.

He shushed me as he bit my lip non to gently; just the way I like it. I began to move with quick, hard, deep trusts earning a needy moan from Ruki, who dug his nails deep into my back like knives. Kissing became difficult and our lips lost attention. In seconds, our lips were no longer locked and barely touching, just grazing against one another within trusts. Ruki let out another moan, his legs moving to wrap round me and force me deep down in to him, the position making everything so much more easy for me. Ruki tugged at my hair, pulling me down so he could sink his teeth into my shoulder. I hissed in pain, but didn't dare beg him to stop as the agony made by sexual rage increase.

"Are you gay?" Ruki randomly asked once he had released my flesh.

"What… The…" I said with great difficulty "You're asking me _now?"_

"Came to mind"

"Now?!" I pounded into him with a little move force, earning a groan again.

"Well…" he spoke with the groan.

"No" I said quickly, wanting the conversation to be over

"So you're bi?"

"Please stop talking" I begged him as I began to lose my rhythm

"Fine…" Ruki rolled out, before lolling his head back and pushing hips against mine.

Only a mere minute passed before Ruki was lying back, arms spread out, moaning and writhing beneath me. His breath became completely laboured, as if he was doing all the work himself, when I put my hand between us take a firm hold of his sex.

"Oh god, yes!" he groaned as I hit his sweet spot.

Ruki wrapped his arms round my neck, pulling me down. I hid my face in his neck, just focusing on my rhythm, my constantly moving hand and the sweet sound of Ruki's breath, orders hidden between them.

"Faster"

"Harder"

"Don't stop. Never stop!"

I felt myself getting close to my end. By the sounds of Ruki and his uncontrollable writhing, his nails scratching my back and neck so bad that my blood was dribbled down on to the sheets and his stomach, he was too. My name leaked from lips over and over again. I picked up my pumps of his sex as I sat up, his hands dropping above his head. He finally opened his eyes, staring at me as he bit his lip, still panting hard like myself. He covered his eyes with his hands, bunking his hips again as he moaned out-

"Oh, god I'm close"

He shook his head, removing his hands to take hold of my owns. He pulled me down, linking hands with me just like we had the first time. He gave me a determine look as his pants got heavier and quicker, just like my own. He hunched his shoulders before throwing his head back, squeezing my hands and moaning my name out and swearing loudly as he coated my stomach- and my shirt- his warm liquid, his insides tightening round my sex and giving more pleasure. He laid back, looking tired as I still pounded into his body. He lifted his head up, kissing and licking my cheek and jaw bone, his breath warm against my skin. I felt myself getting close, the feeling of his hands spreading my still running blood across my skin, his hips still bucking but for my pleasure alone now. I felt the familiar feeling building up before rushing down my body. I swore out loudly, burying my head into his shoulder as I coated his insides once again with my own warm seed. I lifted my heavy head, panting like an animal as I looked up at Ruki, my fringe sticking to my forehead.

"You're amazing" he whispered with a smile.

I gave a little laugh, looking away from him, clueless to what to reply with. I looked back when I felt Ruki move my hand to his lips, kissing it sweetly before holding it to his cheek. I smiled as I delicately move down and placed my lips on his in an innocent kiss. No tongues, no biting, no secret dirty meanings. Just a kiss. We parted with a click of the lips, our eyes locking.

"We've got one thing left to do" Ruki grinned.

I smirked back "High asked sex. Second best feeling."

"What's first?" Ruki winked

"Everything we just did" I laughed, getting off of him and slipping of the bed to grab my underwear, pulling them on quickly before Ruki caught a sight of me. This was stupid considering I had just been having sex with him. Ruki climbed out the bed quick too, grabbing his boxers and doing the same. We both turned to look at the state of the bed.

"Blood, sweat and cum" Ruki mused at the messy sheets "Have fun getting that out!" He laughed

"I think I'll just chuck 'em" I shrugged "I'll blame the cat or something.

Ruki cackled at me, already heading back to my room. We relaxed on my bed, lighting the joint and smoking while we enjoyed a lazy conversation about small things. Films, touring, music, dogs, the annoying moment when your sharpening a pencil and the led gets stick in the blade... We must have smoked a lot since I grew drowsy and eventually fell asleep. I awoke at 2 in the morning with Ruki lying next to me, curled up like a kitten and fast asleep. I easily feel back into dream world, taking one last glance at his face before I closed my eyes.

When I awoke the next morning, I found myself alone in my bed. I ran my hand over the empty piece of bed. It felt cold. Ruki must have left a while ago. I turned completely over and stared at my clock.

07:37

He must have left pretty early in the morning. I was confused and worried to one he had gone so early. I told myself he problem at a meeting with his band mates or something or other, and didn't wake me out of kindness. I attempted to go back to sleep. Gaining more sleep seemed difficult, and my phone quickly became a burden. Without even bothering to see who was calling me, I removed the battery and threw both it and the phone itself to the floor. Silence. Sleep began to return, but clearly it just wasn't meant to be. The home phone began to ring out to me. I allowed it to go to voice mail but just seconds later it ran again. With a fatigue ridden body, I dragged myself from my bed and headed out to the landing to where the phone sat on a little wooden table.

"Hello…" I muttered down the phone.

"Finally!" came Ruka's irritated voice "5 times, Hitsugi, five fucking phones calls!"

"I was asleep"

"Good for you, the rest of us were awake and waiting!" he yelled in annoyance.

I rubbed my eyes as I mumbled out "Waiting for what?"

"You! You're supposed to be at Niya's now!"

"Why am I-"

"Costume fitting!"

I groaned, before muttering something about being there in 5 and hanging up without another word. I stumbled to the bathroom, throwing off my clothes and stepping into the shower. I turned it on without even checking the temperature, too tired to care whether I was frozen or scolded. Within 20 minutes, I was full dressed accept for shoes and staring into my dresser mirror, a gel covered hand fiddling with the back of my hair to spike it up. I removed my hand, looking at the colourless sticky substance that was covering my fingers… like saliva.

"_Watching you suck your fingers is hotter than hell"_

Ruki's words echoed in my head. A small smirk or pride spread across my lips. I took a good look at myself in the mirror, straightening my waist coat and correcting the hood of my shirt. I messed up my jet black hair a little more before running down stairs, grabbing my boots with the 3 inch sole (Because 5 ft 7 half was apparently my idea off the perfect height) and dashed out the door, pulling them down as I hopped down the path. Seconds later, I returned, rushing about the house to grab my phone, guitar (in case), wallet, gum and to refill the pet's water bowls. Grabbing my skateboard on my journey, I finally head off, skating at speed down the road.

The fitting went quite well at the start, excusing the dodgy start of my angry band mates. Yomi was the one to point out that I seemed 'overly happy today'.

"Seems like someone got some action between the sheets!" he laughed.

I merely smirked at his comment, humming to myself as I did up the red and black jacket. As I had thought, it was a perfect fit. Our costume designer was a genius at getting measurements correct. I looked up to notice Sakito frowning at me. I gave him a quizzical look, now undoing the jacket, before he walked over to me. He took a glance at the others who seemed deeply indulged in yet another conversation about Yomi's latest love interest.

"Say, Hitsu" Sakito began, returning his eyes to me as I folded the jacket back up and placed on the sofa behind me "I'm having a fag. Joining?"

I was about to decline the offer when Sakito grabbed my wrist and tugged me out the room non-to-kindly. He pulled me out the front door, before staring at me with a very uncomfortable expression.

"What?" I blinked.

No reply came as he carried on staring. He shook his head and sat down on the front step, pulling his fags and lighter out his jean pocket and lighting it.

"You were humming that GazettE song" he spoke flatly.

I frowned "Yeah… You pulled me out here for a song title?"

"Mitsuo, I'm not stupid!" he spat at me, taking in the cigarette deeply. He turned to me, looking incredibly unimpressed "Again? Seriously?!"

I sighed, sitting down next to him.

Sakito's face softened "Look, I know I sound really… I dunno… 'Gay' right now, but dude, you're like a brother to me- a little brother to be honest"

"Little?!" I repeated with a displeased expression "I'm only 9 months younger than you-"

"It doesn't matter. You're still like my little brother"

"Can I ask what you point with all this is?" I frowned at him, my eyes locked on his face, quickly making him uncomfortable.

Sakito turned to look at me before his gaze returned to his cigarette. I clicked my tongue before distracting my gaze to rummage in my pocket for my own cancer sticks. I lit one, staring out across Niya's small garden. Niya only had a house at the time because he was sharing with two other people. He only lived in it for about 13 months before he moved to get a flat that he shared with me and Ruka for almost two years. Come to think of it, none of us have ever lived in the same house or building for more than 25 months. That isn't counting the homes we grew up in though.

Sakito sighed "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

I swallowed, holding my head high "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mitsuo-"

"Stop calling me that" I growled at him, taking about drag on the cigarette and holding the poisonous substance in my lungs for a while.

"Hitsu, how can you just put yourself back in a place where you'll just end up a wreck again?"

"I wasn't a wreck. I was fine-"

"You spent 2 days mute and spent an entire night locked in a hotel bathroom with me crying. Bollocks, of course you were fine" Sakito said sarcastically. "Why him, Why?"

I shrugged "I dunno. I just like him"

"But why is he so special? You've been with loads girls- When you were dating Karin I thought you were in love with her"

Karin had been a girl I had dated for 6 months not to long before this. She truly was a beauty though. Cheek piercings, purple hair… She always wore pretty black dresses that complimented her amazing hourglass figure and high heels to show of her beautiful long legs- I'm losing the point here.

"Nope"

"And Midori, and Rei and the French exchange student… What about Anju? She was beautiful!"

I shrugged. I heard Sakito tut as I stared at the concrete path.

"But she just wasn't Kihiri, right? Or whatever his name is"

"His names Ruki now"

"What's his real name?"

I paused for a minute "I don't know"

"Exactly. You don't know anything about him. Stop gluing yourself to him!"

"I'm not 'gluing' myself to him!" I shouted at him, throwing the fag away

"OH come on! You've held out for him to come back for all these years." Sakito insisted firmly "I get it- You've grown an attachment to him because he was the first person you ever had sex with, but, then again, so what? There are so many amazing people out there- so many amazing _girls_ out there"

I stared at him with a strong expression, quickly succeeding in making him uncomfortable again. He made attempts at staring back, but his eyes dashed away from mine in seconds.

"This isn't about me getting hurt is it?" I asked in an emotionless voice.

Sakito's eyes shot to mine "Of course it-"

"It's about the fact that it's a guy!"

"No, no… No" Sakito tried to remain calm, turning his body towards me and running his fingers through his hair "Ok, a little bit of it is-"

"I knew it!"

"Listen to me!" Sakito insisted "It's just that… You know…"

"No. I don't know. Fancy explaining?" I asked with a fake smile.

"Haven't you noticed that he's the _only guy_ you've ever been interested in? Never another man, always girls" I narrowed my brow as he spoke "What I'm saying is… I think, back then, you were confused and" he jabbered on with an unrehearsed speech, each word a stutter "You still are confused and that's why you want him and it's not 'love' or any of that crap it's just confusion and an attachment because he was your first actually sexual experience and-"

"I never mentioned 'love'" I interrupted, causing Sakito to pause. "You know you're full of crap, right?"

That shut Sakito up. For a minute, he just stared at me, as if his mind, body and soul had all frozen upon my words. Finally he should life, snorting in discuss, holding his hands up as if to say 'retreat'.

"I give up!" he sang, quickly getting up and reading back inside Niya's house, stomping his feet.

Slowly I followed him, my happy mood having plummeted. I stomped into the house, practically crashing back into the living room, quickly packing up my costume and putting it back in its bag. My four band mates had frozen watching me like hawks. Each held a different expression.

Sakito looked pissed, of course.

Yomi looked alarmed.

Ruka looked worried (typical dad of the band)

And Niya look uncomfortable.

"I'm going" I announced bluntly, shoving my belongings back in my pocket and swinging my guitar case onto my back.

"Look, Hitsu-" Ruka began

"Forget it" I grabbed my skateboard and head out the room "See you at band practise on Thursday" I grumbled.

I stomped miserably down the road, mentally asking myself my I even cared so much? My paced slowed as I began to wonder if Sakito was right. Was all this just some kind of really bad virginity-related attachment? I heard the clicking sound of feet behind me. Whizzing round I came face to face with an out of breath Yomi, panting hard.

"Fucking hell Hitsu, you're short legs move fast" He laughed through pants.

"What do you want?" I asked in a rough tone, ignoring his rude comment.

Yomi stood up, patting himself down and clearing his throat before asking "What did Sakito do to piss you off?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because you're one of best mates and my rhythm guitarist? Believe it or not your kind of important to me" A childish smirk crawled up his lips "Plus you're sexy"

"I'm not in the mood for you perverse humour, _Jun_" I huffed, turning round and beginning to walk off.

"Hitsugi, come back" he ordered tiredly.

"Why?" I yelled back.

"I'm worried!"

I stopped again, turning back to face him. Yomi walked a few steps towards me, still leaving a large gap between us.

"So, what did he say?"

I shrugged "Just a little lecture" I spoke as if it was nothing at all.

"What about?" Yomi stepped closer to me, seeming suspicious.

I sighed, dropping my skateboard to the floor, one foot to keep it in place. I cupped the back of my neck with my hands, biting my lip and looking up at the sky as I considered my options. _It's Yomi! Sure he's a crude mind twit half the time but it's generally trustworthy. Generally… And he is worried about me… Maybe… I…_

"I kind of… Did stuff with Ruki again last night" He muttered out.

Yomi frowned, confused "Ruki?"

"I mean Kihiri" I corrected myself.

"Oh! Band change, name change" Yomi shrugged.

"Yep" There was a pause before the information finally hit my smaller friend.

"Wait a fucking second- Kihiri?!"

"Your ears work it seems"

"How…?" Yomi stuttered out.

"His band is in town at the moment. They're booked to play gigs at this place ever Friday and Saturday night for the next two weeks. I met him again in the bar-"

"And suddenly you're sleeping with him?!" Yomi choked out a little too loudly.

"Like you can talk!" I scoffed

"Yeah but I'm not emotionally attached-"

"There it is again" I growled, tightening my grip on my guitar case strap. "Have you guys been talking about me or something?"

"What?" Yomi blinked

"That's what Sakito said to me earlier- 'attached'"

"Hitsu-"

"Shut up, it's not like that!" I insisted rudely "It was just sex" _LIES_ "We just got talking, did it in a the pub cubicles, he came round the next day and apologised, and what do you know? 5 minutes later-"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Yomi yelled, his face a painting of utter shock.

"What the hell do you mean?! You do it all the time!"

"Yeah but I'm _me! _You're you and you don't do this"

"Well I have" I spoke sternly "What's your point about all this?"

"It's out of character!"

"I'm human!"

"You're Hitsugi! You're the baby; you're innocent!"

"Once again! I'm not even a month younger then you- And you're shorter!"

Yomi became silent, before walking past me, tugging my shirt sleeve as he did so.

"Wha-"

"You're house right?"

I shrugged, flipping my skateboard round and heading off after him. We said nothing to each other the entire journey. His face seemed to be contemplating something, his mind fixated on his thoughts and no longer his actions. The journey felt longer than usual but then again too fast. We entered my house. I dumped all my stuff lazily by the door and headed to the kitchen, mumbling about grabbing us both a can of coke. Yomi followed behind, heading straight to my sofa as he always did. I grabbed the chilled cans from the fridge and headed over to Yomi handing him one without a comment and collapsing next to him. Minutes passed before either one of us spoke.

"So that's why you were in such a good mood this morning" Yomi mused. He turned to look at me "I take it he's good at whatever he does?"

I nodded with a smirk. Yomi's head jolted slightly as a memory returned.

"Did you say you and him did it in the pub toilets?"

"Shockingly, yeah"

"Wouldn't have thought that was you're kind of thing…" the singer giggled.

"It's not. I felt like dirt the next morning. Worst sex of my life."

"Not hot in any way?"

"Not at all"

"But last night?"

"Last night…" I grin poked my lips "Last night was good. Better than good"

"Best ever?"

"In the top 5"

A delicate smile pressed itself in my face as bitter sweet memories returned to me from the night before.

"You sure it was just sex and nothing more?" Yomi sounded uncomfortable.

"Why do you ask?" I blink at him, disrupting my thoughts.

"Just a wonder" he paused "Hitsugi?"

"Yeah?"

"Do something… If not for yourself then for the band…"

I began to feel uncomfortable "Okay I think… What is it?"

"Don't let this get the better of you"

I blinked. He must have mistaken my expression for confusion as he chose to attempt to explain himself.

"It's just…" he placed his can on the table "Last time when him you got really down because of him you were really hard to work with- no offence. In general, I don't want you, as my mate, to be miserable. Band wise, I want the rhythm guitarist to be up and doing his best. Not having some emotional crisis while performing" he attempted to laugh, though nothing seemed funny "I don't want you being miserable and feeling alone and shit like last time. And I don't want you be an emotion yoyo during a live" he told me sternly "One minute you were head banging and jumping about, next you're just standing and playing. You just stared at your feet for 5 songs! They weren't even slow songs!"

I gave a half smile, staring at the can in front of me and admiring the condensation.

"That's all I ask" Yomi said simply, relaxing in the seat "Will you do that?"

I nodded "Yeah" I whispered.

The conversation ended there. Yomi was always gentler than Sakito in situation. Sakito didn't have the patience, especially with me (and Niya to mention it) as when my mind was properly set on something, it was quite difficult to change it. I have always been a little stubborn. For half an hour we just hung out on the sofa. I love Yomi at that moment. He asked me about the night before as if it was all so normal, like something both of us did everyday but, to every fan-girl's sadness, none of us made a habit of doing sexual things with someone of the same gender. The closest most of the others did was kissing, and that was usually done in drunken dares. It's not all fanservice you know; a lot of it is just us having fun in general.  
Yomi's phone rang and he quickly remembered he was supposed to return to Niya's house. He asked me to come too but I refused, deciding it would be better to do it all tomorrow when Sakito was calm again. He left with the usual bounce in his step, leaving me alone with only the cat and Goron for company. I couldn't complain, Goron was enough.  
The rest of the main part of my day was spent messing around with Goron and disposing of the stained sheets. I did try to wash the stuff out in the bathroom but blood clings to white sheets way too much. I sighed in defeated, running to the kitchen to grab a pair of scissors and attacking them, turning them in to slim shreds. Every now and again, one would escape its place on the kitchen table, floating to the ground only to be attacked by Goron, pulling and ripping it playfully, his tail wagging endlessly. It was 5 o clock when I was chucking the strips into a plastic bag to burn somewhere- anywhere. During my tidy up, I heard a knock at the door. Goron's ears pricked up. He looked at me then at the door down the corridor. He shuffled back, sneezing as another knock rattled through the house.

"Coming" I called out.

I picked up Goron, carrying him with his front paws on my arms. He squeaked happily with his tail wagging as he rubbed his little black nose against my waist coat, making cute snuffling noses as he did so. I hoped the door to see a familiar face.

"Hey Ru-" I began, a little confused, only to be cut of somewhat rudely.

"I'm not here to stay. I'm just here to…" Ruki's words left him. He sighed covering his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I-it was a mistake."

I felt my heart drop, but nodded to pretend it didn't hurt._ Act like you don't care. Like Yomi said, don't let it get to you._

"I was too drunk. I wouldn't have done it-"

"Me neither" I lied "It was the vodka's fault" I tried to laugh.

Ruki looked far too serious "Look, I think this should all has to stop"

I frowned "What? The sex or-"

"Us. Everything. Every time we see each other it ends in sex. It isn't right, I just-" his words left him again as he became flustered. He sighed, his eyes on the floor. "I'm going" he muttered before beginning to walk away slowly, hands in his skinny jean pockets.

I swallowed before my mental volcano finally erupted "You can't keep doing this to me, you know!" I yelled down the street at him.

Ruki stopped turning around with a blank face. I held Goron a little tighter as I scowled at Ruki, the heartless son of a bitch.

"It's a mistake… The _first_ time. The second is getting suspicious. But a third time?"

I saw Ruki swallow as I spoke, his eyes diving away from me and too the ground.

"Either you just want to hurt me… Taking the fucking piss or…" I inhaled as I felt a tight knot-like feeling in my chest "Or you're just a fucking midget cunt!" I screamed at him.

Ruki looked back at me, rage beginning to build.

"I like to think" I carried on, lowering my voice "That the first time it actually meant something to you. But now…" I gave a nervous laugh, shaking my head "The last time and the second… Dude, I think your ego has gone to your head!"

"Oh what-" Ruki turned to face me, scowling like there was no tomorrow "Like fame hasn't changed you for the worst? You and your 'biiig' band?!"

"It wasn't fame- it was you" I spat at him.

Ruki twitched, but said nothing.

"I don't know whether you really lost your phone, or if you were just a heartless fucker" I walked towards him "But it changed me for the worse. Fame didn't do anything for me accept make some people like me for once!" I strolled right up to him" It was _you_" I stabbed Ruki hard in the chest with my finger "that made me a bad person. It was _you_ that made me heartless to spend 2 years of my life using people" more stabbing "You are the one that fucked me up, but, I changed from that! I learnt my lesson..." I smirked, beginning to turn away "You're just a bastard in general. You'll never learn" I hissed as I walked away, in seconds it was a run. I crashed into the house with gritted teeth, holding Goron close to my chest. I kissed his furry head as I held back anger and pathetic tears. I exhaled hard, before turning back to slowly open my front door, peeping out. I saw Ruki walking away quickly, swinging his arms. Anger was washed away from my face and replaced with misery. I watched as Ruki kicked some one's bins over. He stood there for a second, staring at the mess of the scatter bins. I saw him hide his face in his hands, crouching down on his toes, shaking his head. He removed his hands, fiddling with his hair and standing up, brushing himself down before he carried on walking away, causing no trouble this time. I racked my brain for something to say, something I could call out to him to make him stay. My brain was useless. Instead, I just watched him walk into the distance, hugging Goron lovingly as I felt my heart shatter in my rib cage.

_**Hope you're all still reading and enjoying!  
I'd love to know what you think.  
I take requests.**_


	4. Jekyll and Hyde

_**This chapter hasn't been fully BETA'd. Due to computer problems, it isn't currently possible. If you would like to help out and BETA'd this story, please message us.**_

I slammed the empty glass on the bar, letting out a heavy sigh. Drinking seemed to be the only way I could heal at that moment.

It had been a week since everything had happened with Ruki. I did my best acting, false smile and all, in front of my band mates so they didn't think anything had happened to me. When Sakito asked me about it, I told him what I had before- 'It was just sex'.

A few days after Ruki 'threw me away' I decided to attempt to cheer myself up by bar hopping- alone. On the second night I ran into someone that I truly hadn't expected to see.

I didn't recognise him at first. The now orange-haired vocalist came up behind me and made me jump as he spoke. Upon realising who he was, it occurred to me how obvious it was how he and Ruki had once got along- and also how they began to, let's say, dislike each other. Tetora always has been overly confident, and a lot more than Ruki. He even is now, though the drummer for his band seems to have an even higher confidence level. I didn't know that could exist until that moment.  
Back to my story-

I had been sitting alone, silent and miserable at a bar I'd found about a 5 miles away from my normal pub. The place was quiet and with a low amount of costumers. It seemed perfect. As I wallowed in my own misery, I was shaken from my thoughts by a voice I didn't recognise.

"I see Ruki finally had his infamous nasty effect on you"

I whizzed round to come face to face with the orange haired boy, a kind smile on a make-up-less face.

"Sorry, do I know you?" I asked drowsily, rubbing one eye and hoping I didn't same rude.

The guy laughed, sitting down next to me.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember me. Maybe I should get that many piercings so people can recognise me as easily as they do you!" he laughed, flicking his hair from his face "I don't believe we ever really had an introduction" He held out his hand "Tetora"

And then it clicked.

"Ruki's old vocalist…"

He nodded "Yep. Takanori stole my band role as you can see" he laughed half heartedly

I blinked at him "Sorry who"

"Takanori" he repeated. When I remained staring at him, he explained wide eyed and in a slower voice "You know. Ruki"

"Is that his real name then?" I asked sounding a little too interested.

"Yeah" Tetora raised a black eyebrow "Didn't he ever tell you that?"

I shook my head, trying to look emotionless.

"I'm not surprised. Keeps things to himself. He's a weird one!" Tetora giggled, finishing the last of his beer. Once all the glittering liquid had disappeared into his mouth he spoke again, more casually this time "So I take it he hurt you pretty bad, huh?"

"How you know about all that?" I asked suspiciously, trying not to scowl at a person I hardly knew- didn't know, I mean.

"I still speak to Akira. That's Reita by the way, you know who he is, right?" he checked, leaning against the bar.

"Tall and blonde?"

"That's the one. He told me Ruki's latest going ons" he explained, circling the top of the glass with his finger.

"If you don't mind my asking" I began as politely as I could "But why Reita tell you?"

"I think it because he knows I don't like him" Tetora laughed again "He knows I won't sit there and tell him off for what he says"

"So Reita and Ruki don't like each other?" I doubled checked, unsure on this information. Ruki had made it seem like-

"They're pretty close actually. I think Reita's got a bit of a thing for Ruki. Not necessarily sexual or romantic, but he seems to worship the midget quite a bit."

I gritted my fists "I don't see how he can. He's so selfish and-"

"Unpredictable?"

"Yeah and-"

"A drama queen?"

"Uh huh! And-"

"A soulless ass?"

"Exactly" I cheered with a smile.

"You're not the only one, Hitsugi" Tetora smiled kindly "He's like that with a lot of people. You know" he sat up, touching his hair once again "When I first meet him, when we were kids, he was probably one of the nicest people to come across. Everyone loved Taka!" Tetora smiled at the memory "But I think he just got a bit too full of himself. Way too much…"

I saw Tetora almost every night. Same pub, same spot. The conversation moved away from Ruki, or Takanori as Tetora called him, and to a one so much similar to the first conversation me and… Ruki once had. But one meeting would start one of the biggest nights of my life…

Tetora set his empty glass down on the bar, looking at me with a sad expression.

"You just can't stop thinking about him, huh?" I spoke with a serious tone.

"Yeah… I can't" I whispered back "Tora, can I ask you something?"

"Hit it"

I shuffled in my seat "Actually there's two questions"

"Hit it twice"

I took a mental breathe before I asked the first question "What was Ruki, I mean 'Takanori' like after the last time he saw me?"

Tetora thoughts for a minute before a smirking "Quiet. He's was quiet. Then, half way through our journey to the next venue, he was suddenly in this massive huff"

"Why?" I asked, getting hopeful.

"Something about his phone"

_His phone? He did lose it then! He didn't lie to me!_

"What's the other thing?" Tetora asked, before beconing over a waitress.

I hesitated, feeling awkward and uncomfortable with asking such a question. I waited patiently for Tetora to make his order before inhaling and wriggling my shoulders, my cheeks already turning rosy.

"Well…" Tetora sang with raised eyebrows.

"Was Ruki really a virgin?"

The vocalist blinked "Is he a virgin?" he repeated with a quizzical look.

"No was he"

"Everyone was at one point" he smirked.

"I mean when he met me"

Tetora paused "I'm not sure"

My heart dropped.

"But I'm pretty sure he was. I can remember him telling me how he'd so close to a girl and then just back out. And when he was with a guy he didn't it wouldn't do it with them because he didn't trust them" he spoke casually as the main brought his drink over. Tetora thanked her and handed her the cash. "Obviously he wasn't after he meet you" Tetora winked with the glass in front of his face. He gave a little snigger before sipping the pint.

"He told you?" I cringed, feeling my cheeks getting hotter.

"Only me and Akira. Well" he shrugged "At the time anyway"

"Did Rei-Akira ever mention Ruki telling the others?"

"Believe it or not Hitsu-kun, we don't talk about our mate's sex lives that often. Edit, my X mate" Tetora rolled his eyes. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged "Just wondering"

"Were a virgin?" he asked, taking me off guard

"Excuse me"

"Were. You. A. Virgin?" he spoke slowly as if I was a young a child.

"Why. Do. ?" I imitated

"Just say"

"No!"

"No you won't say or no you weren't a virgin?"

"No I won't say!"

"Oh… Shame as I had a little juicy fact for you" he smirked, leaning on the bar almost in a seductive manner.

"What is it?"

"No, you've got to tell me!"

"Tetora, come on"

"Fine" he rolled his eyes at me again "I can't remember Ruki saying he lost it to a virgin. He didn't say who, he just said it was virgin"

I was silent, wide eyed.

"So if you were a virgin, it's quite likely he was" Tetora laughed, shaking his head and turning back to his drink.

My mind left reality. My thoughts drifted away as hope shined through.  
If he wasn't lying when he said he was losing his virginity to me all those years ago, then that means it must have meant something, right? You're first time always does. You either regret it so you wished you'd lost it another way, or you loved it… Could he have regretted it? Maybe that's why he didn't tell the others that he lost it to me? Was he ashamed at losing it to me? Or did he just like fucking virgins and then building up a list of how many virginities he'd taken…

"You know…" Tetora's voice slithered into my ears and disrupted his thoughts. "Reita said he was going to a club tonight… Called 'Burastu', I believe. I wouldn't be surprised if Ruki was there… All vulnerable and drunk- Just waiting to be confronted for something or other" the orange haired vocalist winked at me over his glass.

Burastu. A neon filled nightclub not far from my usual place. It was one of the last places I would have ever gone. I definitely won't ever be seen down there now but that's because, well, I'm 30, almost 31. I don't want to admit me I'm kind of two old for all that. I'll stick to pubs.  
The Burastu had a bit of a reputation- and not exactly a good one. Rape wasn't an unfamiliar thing to happen round that area, but luckily for me it was mostly girls that happened. Not that it matters, the thought was just selfish. I couldn't help but wonder why they would go there. For all the great clubs in Sendai, why Burastu?

"Do you love him"

I blinked "Huh?"

"Do you love him?"

All words froze in my throat "That's a funny thing to hear coming from you" I recoiled

"Feels funny to say" he looked at me seriously "Do you love him?"

"I-I dunno-" I stuttered out

"What do you mean you don't know?" Tetora quizzed angrily "Of course you know if you love someone! You either love them, hate them, or hardly know them. You can have stages of _falling_ in love, but there aren't any phases of love itself!" he sounded irritated with me, like he was a bad tempered teacher and I was the slowest student.

"I guess…"

"You guess what?!"

"I guess I do"

"You do what?!"

"I do love him" I spat out.

They was a silence.  
I had said it. After all these years I had finally said it out loud. I love Ruki. I love Kihiri. I love Matsumoto Takanori! It felt amazing yet frightening to say it, but it was true. Finally I had admitted it not only to myself but to another. But it wasn't him.

"Then what are you doing here?!" Tetora asked, not actually expecting an answer "Stop sitting around in a pool of your own pity and get out this place and fight!" Tetora stood up, fists raised high and yelling a little too loudly in the pub. It was lucky the only people in there was us and the barmaid, who seemed used to Tetora's outrageous and unpredictable personality…

"Fight for what?" I felt like I was panicking, lightly scared of Tetora's victorious outburst.

"For Taka! If you want him, fight him for him! Show that bratty vocalist that sometimes other people get their way! Win him!"

Silenced returned, with Tetora frozen with his eyes on the ceiling. The barmaid carried on humming to herself casually, polishing wine glasses. I bit my lip, looking down at the floor as I considered my options. What did I have to lose? After everything, nothing.

"Did he mention what time?" I asked as casually as I could.

Tetora's head whizzed down to face me with an overly joyous smile. He glanced at his watch "I wouldn't be surprised if they had just arrived now"

There was another minute pause of us just looking each other before I set into action. I pulled on my hoodie and downed my pint before dashing off and yelling to me new friend-

"Thanks Tetora!"

And then I was running down the street at full speed, making no attempt to turn back. I ran as fast as I could, my quick, heavy breaths burning my throat. I dodged the people of the nightlife with their drunken walks and annoying ridiculous cackles at nothing. I crossed road after road, at one point without really look as I was going. My heart beat increased and jumped as I saw the large car heading towards, the squeaking of its breaks.

"Fucking kid! Watch where you're going!" yelled the angry driver, but I didn't stop to apologise.

There was no time was apologises now. This wasn't a time for 'I'm so sorry', it was a time for fighting and a child victory!  
The amount of people walking the street multiplied as I turned the corner that lead to the club. If I had stopped to look around properly, I'm sure I would have been alarmed at how many girls were passed out on the street and how many boys were puking on the edge of the sidewalk. It was certainly a grubby, disgusting street. I found the club. You could tell how low the place was just by the fact that there wasn't any security around. I ducked in and head down the dark corridor. Neon foot prints were stuck to the floor and neon green arrows were glued to the walls, heading me down and down into the darkness and into the light at the other end. The hubbub of chatting swam to my ears, but it was all a buzz without words. The music bleared out from the speakers, practically deafening me. My eyes searched the dark, crowded room, the only lights being florescent pink, blue and yellow. Crowds of jumping drunks were scattered everywhere. At that moment, I wished I could freeze them all to statues. Their constant moving was irritating. Nervously, I began to wonder round the place curiously. It really wasn't my kind of place at all. Too loud with so many confident people. It was too 'mainstream'-like. It was too crowded in general. My lungs were beginning to feel tight and ready to burst. Air froze in my throat as my eyes found what I had been searching for. Ruki was sitting round a table with two other men. One black haired guy who was giggling uncontrollably, and a tall slim guy with blonde hair that I recognised to likely be Reita, The Gazette's bassist. I didn't recognise the other guy though. Ruki was perched on Reita's lap with the bassist's arms wrapped round his waist. Ruki, who had been chatting away to them both, turned his head a froze too as his eyes locked on mine. I folded my arms as a reply. Ruki's eyes fell sadly, before he leant back to whispered something in Reita's ear. The bassist began swivelling his head round, his eyes searching the room for what I guessed to be me. Ruki slapped him across the cheek before sliding off his friend's lap and heading towards me. He stopped in front of me and yelled over the music.

"What are you doing here?!" He didn't sound very pleased to see me.

"Fighting." I yelled back with as much confidence as I could build up.

"Fighting for what?" Ruki squinted his eyeliner painted eyes, his hands on his hips and leaning a little closer to me.

"You."

"Me?" he spat in a call over the heavy bass music "Who you gunna fight?" I sneered at me "Don't be stupid Hitsugi. I-"

I cut him off as my fist crashed in to his jaw, sending him back. I pounded on him pinning him down by his writs. The people around his echoed gasps, parting away from us and staring in alarm. Ruki looked up at me in pure horror. Then determination.

"Bring it, metal mouth!"

Before I could register what was happening, Ruki kicked me straight between the legs, putting me off guard long enough for us to switch places, my head crashing down on the hard polished floor. I kicked him off me and rushed to my feet. He followed a second later, attacking me with his fists of fury, screaming all the while. As his hand collided with my jaw, my foot flew into his stomach.

"Ruki!" Reita appeared, pushing through the crowd to the front, already to play back up.

"Fuck off Reita!" Ruki screamed as he flew at me again.

I grabbed his wrists and wrestled him down. His fist crashed into my jaw. My fist collided with his brow. He kicked me hard in the stomach, leading to us swapping positions. The side of his hand flew down on to my collar bone.

"FUCK" I spat

One hand reached to grab his hair, the other punching him in the stomach. He elbowed me in the neck. I kicked him hard in the stomach. He flew off me, spluttering. I clambered to my feet. As did he. We stood there, shooting daggers into each other's eyes, one willing the other to twitch and vice versa. Suddenly, Ruki moved but in a different direction. The small vocalist ran off down back hall way. Once my mind has processed what was happening, I ran after him as the crowd began to mutter in confusion. I jumped into the hall and carried on speeding forward. Ruki was far ahead, but I saw him fly out the back door, closing it with a load slam. I ran quickly after him and burst through the back door too. I let the door close behind me freely with a slam as I stared ahead. Ruki was pressed against the wall, hiding his face in his arms.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he whispered at to me, sounding so weak and fragile now.

"Why do you want me to leave you alone?" I asked, feeling a little hurt as I took a tiny step closer to him.

I jumped a little as I heard him whimper out the word 'no'. He pushed himself from the wall, and slowly turned. His head was bent down, face hidden by hair, and was dabbing his face lightly with the back of his hand. He sniffed hard and then looked up at me.

"Were you crying?" asked in a flat voice. It didn't come out like a question, instead it sound more like an announcement.

"Why the fuck would I cry?" He laughed dryly "Over you? Never. Such a thing is absurd." He smirked up at me "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"The same person I've always been" I shrugged in an arrogant manner.

Another dry laugh ran off Ruki's lips "Cocky. I've rubbed off on you"

"You've done more than that-"

"Shut up, metal mouth"

"You say that like it's supposed to offend me?"

"Who'd want a mouth of metal?"

"A robot"

Ruki laughed again. He folded his arms and slowly walked over to me. He leaned towards me, his scent wafting around me and his warm breath lightly patting my face. "What do you want Hitsu?" he whispered "Why did you want to fight me?"

"I told you"

"What did you say?" he dragged out his words.

"You"

"Me." He leaned back frowning "What did you mean by that?"

I took a deep breath before finally speaking out.

"I don't know how you feel about me." I said slowly and as calmly as I could "But I love you" I horrid cold wind blew straight after my sentence.

Ruki stared at me, unblinking.

"I'm not sure if I even care if you love me back, but frankly" I shrugged "Fuck you. All you did was take everything I had- Everything I thought I didn't care about" I gritted my teeth "Before I bet you, I didn't think losing my virginity would be such a bad thing. I was just planning on throwing it away one night. Doesn't matter who, as long as I think their pretty. Then I would have got on with my life, but no! You had to come along and fuck it all up!" My tone changes and my voice raise as I yelled my anger into Ruki's face. "You fucking bast-"

My words were frozen as something silenced me. Something soft, something delicate, something I knew. My eyes automatically closed as my arms naturally wrapped round his waist. Ruki pulled himself close to me. The kiss was slow, soft, and what I hoped was meaningful. It's what I had always thought a lover's kiss would be like…  
I spun us round before pushing Ruki hard against the wall. My hands left his waist and wondered up to find his own. I prized them apart and slammed them against the wall to, high above his head as I forced myself in control. The mouth to mouth romance was interrupted at the sound of the door opening. Our lips snapped apart before we slowly turned our heads, our cheeks flushed as we came face to face with raised eyebrows… Reita.  
Ruki's eyes moved to our hands of which I abruptly let go of in embarrassment. Reita merely raised in eyebrow before taking a deep breath and saying in a breathy voice from deep in his throat.

"Whatever makes you happy, Taka"

Then he headed back in, his eyes on the sky and awkward expression on his face. Me and Ruki held our breaths until the door was completely shut. As soon as it slammed, Ruki moved away from me, running to a pile of wooden planked. He grabbed one and then skipped back open, dodging it through the door handle to hold the door shut. He looked back at me and gave a little laugh and a weak smile. I smiled back uncomfortably, still feel awkward after being caught. Ruki slowly began to walk over to me, his eyes half shut and small smile on his face. He threaded a thumb through his jean loop as he leaned back against the wall, inches away from where he originally was. His smile dropped to a face that held a little sorrow. He reached out his hand, caressing my face. For a second, I melted into his touch, then a thought came to my head.

"How much have you had to drink?"

Ruki's hand froze "One glass of vodka and coke" he mumble, stepping closer to me bring his other hand to cup my face too.

"I meant what I said" he whispered.

"What?" I mutter, confused.

Ruki licked his lips before speaking in a weak voice.

"I mean what I said… When I said I didn't know why I let you go." Before I could speak, he pressed his lips on to mine, his hands dropping to my waist to hold me close again. I kissed back softly, my hands moving to hold told his arms. I leaned onto him gently pushing him back against the wall, my hands moving to tangle in his red and black hair. The kiss began to lose its sweetness, only to be replaced with a hot spice. Ruki pushed his body against mine, detaching his lips from mine to move them to my neck, chewing slowly but with strength. His hands moved from my waist and down to my front, his thumbs hooking into my jeans. As one light turned on, another turned off in my head. I pushed him away.

"What the hell?" I choked at him.

"What?" an irritated Ruki spat.

"You're just trying to do what you did all those other times!" I headed back over to the door. "Fuck you Ruki. Fuck. YOU!" I yelled as I reached to move the plank. Before a single finger could touch the wood, another hand grabbed mine and pulled me away.

"Hitsu, no, I-"

"Shut up!"

"Hitsugi, listen!" Ruki grabbed me by the shirt and threw me against the wall "It wasn't like that!"

I felt something tap upon my head. Then my shoulder. I saw a single one roll down Ruki's cheek.

"Then what was it?!" I yelled at him with fury as the spitting became heavier.

Ruki let go of me and began to step away, his hands slowly running down his thin body. His back hit the wall the same time his fingers found the hem of his top. Gently, Ruki pulled the tshirt off, every second giving me the tiniest bit more flesh to see. He pulled it over his head before abandoning it on the floor a few feet away. He beckoned me closer with both hands. I frowned, folding my arms. The spitting began to increase, creating a pretty pattern on the concrete around us. Ruki looked at me wide eyes, willing me to follow his orders. Without any care, I pushed myself off the wall and walked lazily towards him, Ruki held his arms up a little higher so he could wrap them round my neck. I looked at him with cold eyes.

"I don't want to have sex with you" he spoke seriously.

I blinked, a little confused.

"I want more"

"More? I spluttered with a sneer. _What the fuck does that mean?_

"I want more than just sex" Ruki pulled me closer to him, our lips almost touching. Then he whispered the line that I have never forgotten. It made me excited, it made me scared, it made me think…

"Make love to me"

My body froze.

"Please" Ruki pecked my lips "Like they do in the movies." His voice was croaky and quiet but all still strangely arousing "Like the first time we ever had-"

I sniggered "That wasn't 'making love'"

"It was for me." He swallowed, his eyes moving away "You were my first for so many things that night"

I wrapped my arms round him as he spoke. He was the spider, and I was the ladybird caught in his web. I wanted him to eat me extremely slowly so I could feel every intensely painful bite he took at my body…

"Many?" I croaked out in a voice so much him.

"You were the first person I ever confessed to liking." He sighed "You were the first person I french kissed, the first person I gave oral to-"

My cheeks turned horrible red

"-the first person I ever had sex with…" he pressed his lips against mine again but just as I was above to kiss back, he disrupted it "You were the first person who ever made love to me. I don't know how you saw it, but… I know it's really stupid but that's what I counted it as" he gave a nervous smile "I had one of those 'fan crushes' at first, before I had met you. When Tetora told me we'd be opening for your band. I looked you up, I even went to a concert. I was so fascinated by you."

I watched him carefully as he spoke, his lips released such wondrous words that I was scared it was all false.

"You seemed so amazing. So care free. So… So innocent" He giggled weakly, sounding so scared when he spoke "I never actually considered the fact that you might not be innocent at all. When I first saw you with my own eyes out of make-up I didn't recognise you for a second. It was when we were going to open for you. I was sitting in the tour van looking out the window and I saw you, going in and out and in and out of backstage bringing stuff in. I didn't think it was you because you had changed your hair- You had brown hair the first time I saw a picture of you, with very, very light pinky tints at its ends. I was only sure it was you when I saw your guitar. Then I just had to find you and when I did… I just-"

I couldn't hold it back. _Kami-sama, may he keep speaking such wonderful words but only after I've kissed him more and more… Only once my mouth is poisoned with the taste of his lips._

I kissed him, pressing my lips on to his before they slowly opened. My tongue leisurely licked his lip, my teeth lightly biting for a second before kissing it properly again. I felt a foreign tongue on my lips, rolling deliberately over the piercings before entering my mouth. Our tongues dragged across each other, each little taste bud giving a massage to my own. The gentle kiss ended with a click of our lips.

"I just felt so many butterflies. Gay, right? I'd never seen a picture of you with your shoulders out" Ruki's voice no longer sounded scared or worried, but leaked sexuality and confidence "So seeing you with my own eyes… Shoulders and abs and all, was amazing." He gave a little giggle again, pressing his hips into mine as the words seeped from his lips "It turned me on and I know it shouldn't have. Even when I saw the scar. So gorgeous, so manly, so enigmatic. You were the reason I questioned my own sexuality." As his spoke, in sync, we both moved our hands down each other's bodies and to our jeans, popping the button and pulling down the zip "I used to think I just admired you. My age and doing so well in your first band... Then I realised it wasn't admiration."

His lips set on to mine like a hungry animal as the spitting became rain, soaking out heads and shoulders. I pushed the last of his clothes off, of which he kicked away, converses and all. He pushed my jacket off my shoulders, leaving me with only a shirt to cover the scar.

"I wanted you to take everything I had and destroy it" he growled as he attacked my buttons, ripping some from their stitching, the scar coming to the light "leave it bleeding!" as he ruined a good shirt, I pushed off my jeans, underwear and the very same flats I had been wearing the night I'd lost my virginity to him. (Those women's flats seemed to have been worn at a lot of important times…) "I didn't want you to leave me with any dignity what so ever" he finally pushed the shirt from my shoulders; for the first time in my life I was full exposed. "I wanted you to make me yours, defile me, possess me, keep me, love me-" he placed his hands on my shoulders and jumped up, allowing me to catch him so he was sitting in my arms. He wrapped his legs round me to keep himself in place before pulling at one of my arms. I readjusted the arm so all his weight was on my right and release my left hand "And I never stopped wanting that" he placed my three middle fingers in his mouth and began to coat them in his saliva. I watched in awe like I had every other time as my fingers moved in and out of his beautiful mouth, the feeling of tongue rolling around them being hypnotic. He opened his mouth wide and allowed me to remove my fingers. I knew from experience what to do now.

"I never liked-" he grunted as one finger entered him "Being empowered." He groaned "I was always in power" I felt his nails gripping into me as I quickly added a second, maybe slightly to early "But I kind of like not being in power. Being the girl almost. But only when it's you" he moved to crash his lips into mine was again, our heads moving in time. The kiss was slow and romantic with gentle tongues; a French kiss- the kiss of true love. I entered a third finger, which he found easier to bare now. I pushed my fingers deep into him until I found the little highly sensitive part inside him. As soon as my fingers grazed of it, I felt him tense in my arms, his body pushing itself against me hard. He moaned into my mouth as I removed my fingers and replaced it with my member. Ruki released my lips from the kiss as he gasped ever so slightly, his body shaking a little. He allowed his body to drop, quickening the speed of me entering him. He moved his hands to thread through my black and red hair as his mouth came back to mine, biting down on my bottom lip and tugging. I pressed him harder against the all, kissing him hard as I began to pound into him. Ruki writhed against me moaning against my mouth. He clung round my neck as did what he had wanted me. I would not destroy him like he wished, but I made him mine. With one hand, unwrapped his arms from round my neck and forced myself into full control and _defiled_ him. I cruelly sank my teeth into my neck to suck and bite down hard as I _possessed_ him. I did my best to hold our bodies together; to _keep_ him close. I released his skin and, in a much less aggressive manner, kissed him again, delicately; to love him. The rain was getting very heavy, fall hard and practically bruising our skin but at the same time it was a cool blessing as it washed away the sweat of heat. My hair stuck to my face and neck uncomfortably but I didn't care. Ruki looked amazing with soaking hair.

"Hitsugi…" Ruki moaned out, his voice being another to increase my excitement, as I noticed a little black line running down his cheek.

I spoke in a light breathy laugh as I muttered again his lips "Taka-chan"

Ruki moaned again as I released his arms to give him freedom. "I like that coming for you" he moved his head to suck on my neck as I carried on pumping myself into his soaking body.

I hissed as his teeth sank into my neck, bruising my lightly tanned skin. I reached between us and took hold of his member, determined to have him pleading and begging against me like prey. Ruki came back for air, almost breathless. He whined as he linked his lips with mine, his hips moving against my own as I took control and advantage of all his lower body.

"Hitsu" he breathed out, clinging to me again "You… You know mine…" he scratched his nails down my shoulders as his insides tightened "So… What's you're… uh.." I forced him against the wall harder, showing him who was officially in control here "Real… Name…"

I forced my lips on his again, cutting him off before he could say anymore "Mitsuo" he mumbled into the kiss before biting down on his lips.

"Mitsuo…" he muttered under his breath.

His legs tightened around me as his body quivered in my arms. He hid his head in the nape of my neck, mumbling my name over and over. I began to feel the familiar feeling in abdomen, driving me to move faster and faster into his body, my hand tugging it Ruki's own member as if I was in fury. Ruki swore into my neck before sitting up pushing his whole body against the wall and arching his back as he threaded his fingers into my hair tugged hard.

"Mitsuo… Ah, fuck…"

My real name had never sounded so pleasant. It sounded better being moaned form Ruki's beautiful lips.

"Mitsuo… I'm gunna… Mitsu-"

Ruki howled out, writhing against me at the force of orgasm, his seed painting our stomachs and his hand. His forced his lips on to mine, still tugging my hair as I hit my own sexual peck.

"Taka…" I groaned against his lips as my member filled his body with my seed.

He jumped down off me breathless. He looked at me before pinning our lips together again in a slow, passionate, kiss. Our tongues dancing together like little ballerinas in an opera. I gently pulled away looking at him. The rain as made his make-up run down his face, his cheeks were smeared grey from the black eyeliner. His eyes were still mostly outliner, but it had still made a mess round his face. Ruki frowned at me, realising that I was clearly scanning his face. The singer reached his hand to touch his cheek before he pulled back to see the brown and black watery smears on his finger. His brown eyes widened in shock.

"You look better" I thought allowed, tearing him from his thoughts.

"W-what?" he stuttered out, sounding so distant as he spoke.

I moved my head to kiss his lips, my hand moving to cup his check and wipe away the running make-up. Ruki pulled himself away from lips and slapped my hand.

"Don't"

"Hush" I pecked his lips "Only I can see. It's too dark."

Ruki swallowed his eyes shifting awkwardly. He gave a shaky sigh before looking back at me "Okay" he whispered "But only cause we're together now"

I jumped a little, not expecting him to say such a thing "We are?" I sounded a little more shocked then I meant.

Ruki shuffled a little "Aren't we?"

I smiled as my cheeks began to feel a little heated "Yeah. I guess we are. If that's okay with you?"

"Don't be so shy. You know it's fine with me!" Ruki smirked with his sudden boost of confidence.

I cupped his stained face with both hands and brought my lips to his. A little bit of fear still remained in the light of his eyes. I kissed him again, my eyes fluttering closed as I saw his do the same. As we slowly kissed, my fingers moved to remove the rest of his make-up, the slowly stopping rain help so much. When I pulled away I felt a little bit of shock. The eyes that stared back of me were almost foreign. Heavily accented brown eyes with short lashes than I remembered glittered back at me. My own eyes ran round his face. This person's skin was a shocking shade of white, their lips so pale and not as full as Ruki's. I readjusted my eyes to see the full face. I smiled. Those brown eyes glazed back at me and a few pearly white teeth appeared to chew on the pale lips.

"I think you're pretty" I hushed, wiping away the last of the black liner.

Ruki swallowed before muttering out "Guys aren't supposed to be pretty".

I shrugged "Would you rather be ugly?"

"I am"

"You're not. You're pretty, I'm afraid. Sorry about that"

The shock left Ruki's face. Calmly, he smiled at me, properly. He gave me a single, slow kiss that held no lust in its mixture, before looking straight into my eyes.

"Take me home with you"

He didn't have to repeat himself. In seconds we were pulling on our garments, snickering to ourselves before Ruki linked his hand with my mine and tugged me out of the alley way as we headed back home.

_**This was going to be the end but I've decided to make it a longer… Did anyone notice something that DIDN'T happen? On Ruki's part? If you don't know, it'll come to light in the next chapter.**_

_**Please comment! Comments are a writers fuel.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Part 2, Introduction:**_

7 years later and so much has changed. Me and Ruki now live together like a proper couple and have been doing so for the last 4 years. I originally lived with Niya, and Ruki jumped from flat to flat but finally we're together under one roof. Just us and our three daughters; Koron, Cocoa and Zera. When I saw daughters, I mean dogs. But they're like our babies and I'm convinced they know so. I'm daddy and Ruki is Dada. Our house is incredibly tidy which took me a while to get used to. At one point in my life, I lived on my own and little bugs actually turned my kitchen into the capital city for creatures! The sink was the city swimming pools and I think the stove was the maternity hospital. Gross, Ruki was having none of that. He scrubs everything and when he's busy and he knows I won't do it, he hires a cleaner to do it for us. He gives them a strict set of rules what to do to…  
Don't touch this, don't do that.  
Poor cleaners!  
But I guess our life together is great. But to be honest, I'm beginning to doubt the man I'm supposed to call my 'soul mate'.

_**Chapter 1**_

It suddenly occurred to me that I was no longer asleep. The idea of opening my eyes to check this theory crossed my mind, but my heavy eyelids gave a good 'fuck you' to the idea. Lying on my back, unmoving, I began to relax back into the warm bed, sleep getting closer and closer…  
My drowning into dream land was interrupt by a sudden weight at the bottom of the bed. Whatever it was climbed up the mattress and over my body and then stopped. This was when I felt a sudden weight on my stomach placed there not exactly in a delicate manner.

"I'm going. Aren't you going to say goodbye?" the voice I knew so well slithered into my ear.

"Bye…" I muttered, too tired to speak.

"Oi" Ruki playful slapped me in the face "Don't I get some lovey dovey shit or anything?"

"Alright" I spoke in a clearer high voice "Mind you I haven't brushed my teeth… Keep that in mind." I opened one eye to see Ruki wrinkle his nose at me, his glasses moving up his face a little as he did so.

"You really are delightful" he said sarcastically, doing up his tie and flicking his hair from his eyes.

"What's with the suit?" I asked drowsily as he climbed off me, lightly kneeing me in a place he really shouldn't.

"The band is meeting up with SuG later as this posh place" Ruki told me flatly, brushing down his clothes and checking how he looked in the mirror "By the way…" he spoke absent minded, he turned to me with a sneer before heading back to the bed, sitting down at my side and leaning towards my ear "Don't bother changing the bed sheets today" he giggled.

"What…" I asked suspiciously, wrapping my arms round him.

"We'll be messing them up when I get home" he winked before pressing his lips on to mine.

I kissed back desperately before rolling him over to switch the dominance position to me. Ruki moaned against my mouth as my hands ran down his body. Only a few seconds passed before those moans transformed into grunts of protest.

"Get… Off!" he ordered against my mouth, attempting to push me off his small frame as my hands began to pull out his tucked in shirt so they could dive up and wonder over his soft skin "Seriously-" Ruki dragged his mouth away from me, idiotically revealing his pleading neck to me, of which I quickly began to smother in kisses "You're messing me up!" he grunted, trying to hide his laughs "Get the fuck off!"

I groaned as I rolled off him, collapsing back on my side of the bed. An irritated vocalist shot off the bed, running to the mirror to eye himself up and down. Ruki grumbled to himself, re-tucking his shirt and fiddling with his tie.

"I guess I'll have to do my hair- Again!" He spat sourly, scowling at me as he left our bedroom, mumbling in annoyance to himself.

I sighed, grabbing the duvet and huddling back underneath it on my side. The duvet was now horribly chilled since it had last been on me, sending a little shiver down my spine as I attempted to get comfortable once again. I could hear Ruki still whining to himself from the bathroom down the hall, undoubtedly as he edited his appearance while vainly staring into his reflection. I heard the sound of something being slammed down on the hard china sink, before heavy footsteps echoed from the hall.

"I'm going now" he spoke, sounding cheery once again "Be good and shit" he laughed.

"K…" I muttered "Bye, I love you!" I yelled out to him, feeling helpful.

"See ya later" returned Ruki's happy voice as he ran down the stairs.

I felt my heart sink down my body a little. No love said in return. I don't know why I thought today was my lucky day…

I sighed sadly, before hurriedly kicking off the heavy satin duvet and lying flat out on my back as I stared at the plain white ceiling.  
_You know he loves you_ said the little voice in my head _why should the obvious be said out loud? You should just know and accept._

"But it would be nice to hear" I muttered to myself.

I heard the car's engine turning on outside. It's strange. He can say those words to a make believe girl in a song but he can't tell me?

Katherine, I love you!  
Reila, Aishiteru!

Mitsuo, see you later.

I shouldn't need words to reassure me that Ruki loves me. Surely actions should be enough, right? But for some reason it's not. Self-doubt has got me good and sucks like hell. It pisses me off- I piss me off! But what am I going to do? Cry myself to sleep like a love sick teenaged girl? No! I might as well buy a sailor uniform complete with pleated skirt and neck tie while I'm at it. Instead, I did what I did every time I felt sad or lazy.

Ketchup and rice.

My morning was slow and lonely. I ate my strange breakfast alone in the kitchen. The dogs had greeted me lovingly when I had come down stairs, but had quickly returned to their beds, too tired to play companionship. I ate the red rice slowly, my eyes staring at the wooden kitchen table. I sighed every now and again. Just being awake seemed like effort. I wasn't tired though, I just felt alone. I poured some doggy chow in the dog bowls before dragging myself back upstairs to get dressed. The idea of going out for a walk seemed like a good idea. Maybe some fresh hair would give me the optimism to get on with my day…

I ended walking aimlessly around town, not really taking notice of where I was going. It's a wonder I didn't get run over. But luck allowed me to wonder freely with my thoughts in silence. All I thought about was Ruki. We may live together but somehow I still miss him. He's been working very frequently and very late. To tell the truth, so do I, but not as bad. His band, The Gazette, has now achieved greater stardom than us so the demands on them are a little bigger than ours. Saying that, my band communicate with the public more than his! I'm always doing something to connect the band with our fans, Ruki-

To my alarm, I found myself crashing into something and being forced straight to the ground with a thump. My thoughts were interrupted and forgotten. I lied there for a second, trying to work out what exactly had just happened before I sat up, rubbing my throbbing head. I heard a strange voice say a very weak 'sorry'. I turned my aching head to see a boy who looked just as weird as his voice. He looked young, 20 would be pushing it. The boy wore what seemed to be a black and white tartan suit with a matching skirt and a black ruffled shirt. His hair was blonde, styled in ringlets with bits of pastel pinks, greens and yellows spread about amongst it. He looked pretty startled and panicky. I was used to people dressing a little oddly, but no one round this part of Tokyo, accept-  
As I pushed myself to my feet, I looked over at the tall tower block peeping over the buildings. It was a photo business, often taking professional pictures modelling agencies. I moved my eyes away and on to the boy, who was standing on his knees and brushing himself down. I laughed a little at him, before holding out a kind hand. The strange boy stared at it for a second before linking his hand with mine and allowing me to help him up. As he stood up straight, it occurred to me how little he was. He couldn't be much taller than little Yomi.

"Sorry" he repeated shyly, seeming unable to make eye contact.

"It's okay" I smiled, my eyes dodging to look back at the building "I'm guessing you came from over there" I pointed at the tower.

The boy nodded "Yeah."

"Model?" I asked brushing myself down, eyeing him out the corner of my eye.

I doubt he'd be a model but what else could he be if he came from that tower block? That's where the photo shoots for fashion magazines are done. The reason I had my doubts went purely on the sight of him. Why you ask? He was built like me- thick arms and legs with healthy muscles and no part of him other than his height could be labelled 'tiny'. He was shorter than me though, Yomi's height no less like I said. If I'm almost 5 ft 5, this guy had to be 5 ft 2.

"uh uh" he hummed out "My band were having a photo shoot"

"Band member, eh?" That mad much more sense. I quickly took interest "What's your band's name? Maybe I'd heard of you"

"Dog in the Parallel World Orchestra!" he announced proudly, confidence suddenly exploding from him like an erupting volcano.

I blinked at him as a silence hit us like two slaps across the cheeks. And there I was thinking my band was originally for using the English word 'Nightmare'.

"Interesting name" I replied with a lack of decent comments occurring to me "Your position?"

"Band position? Vocalist!" The boy stuck his tongue out proudly, giving me the peace sign with glee.

"Oh really" I laughed in an affectionate manner. "I can imagine that"

"You needn't imagine reality" the boy grinned before pausing awkwardly "We're taking out time in gaining popularity though… Small live houses and stuff…"

"Ah! Don't give up yet! You're young, you have the time!" I cheered

"True… I'll stay positive!" He beamed

I laughed fondly "So why are you not at your photo shoot?" I asked casually, fiddling with the hem of my jumper.

"I had an argument with my guitarists. Then my bassist had a hissy fit. He's one of those men that breaks down like a woman" the boy sneered in a jokey manner.

"I have a few friends like that"

"It's weird to think I've been out with him-" the boy appeared to pause too late, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"Hey… What's up dude?" I said as light hearted as I could, stepping a little closer.

The boy looked at me and blinked "I said I've been out with _him_." He repeated as if I had a low intelligence or something.

"I know" I repeated slowly "What's your point?"

The boy blinked "You're not disgusted?"

"Why would I be?" I tittered. "I'm bi so why would I dislike someone who was gay?"

"I'm not gay!" the boy panicked "I'm bi too"

"Good for you" I giggled again at the funny boy

"Do I get a medal?" He grinned

"A bit gay pink medal with rainbow ribbon, yes"

The boy clapped appreciatively, grinning madly before holding out a confident hand.

"I'm Haru"

I smiled back, taking his hand and shaking it "Call me Hitsugi"

Haru paused as we released "Hitsu…" he muttered, his eyes glued to me as if he was unsure. "Hmph" he shrugged him shoulders "So, Hitsugi… Where are you off to?"

"Nowhere!" I laughed half-heartedly "I'm just wondering for the fun of it. It's very therapeutic"

"Is it? I've never see it that way. Drawing is much more therapeutic for me"

I tittered at him, flicking the hair from my eyes.

"Listen, do you have a pen and paper on you?"

Haru blinked before setting into action searching his pockets mumbling about how he didn't have paper.

"Ah huh!" he exclaimed happily, pulling a small blue pen out his back pocket and handing it to me.

"Mind is I right on your hand?"

"N-no, not at all" Haru stuttered with a frown of confuse, holding his hand out all the same.

"This is my number" I informed him as I wrote "Phone me and I can probably help you get into some bigger live houses."

Haru stared at his hand.

"Thank you so much" he spoke quietly, in awe "Do you really think you can?"

"I'm pretty sure"

"That would be amazing"

"I hope so!"

I convinced Haru to turn round and go back to his photo shoot. He ran off oddly happy, not leaving without giving me a very tight hug. It was nice to make someone's day. It was also nice to end the conversation on a confidence booster-

"By the way, Hitsugi-san! You're really cool! Thank you!"

I hoped to see little Haru again. He looked like a promising performer so maybe I really could help them gain some recognition.

"


	6. Chapter 6

I really hate hospitals; the vile smell of disinfectant, the beeping sound from an unknown place, and the constant tapping of the receptionist's long fake nails on the computer keyboard. Of course, there are more reasons as to why I hate hospitals so much. The main one is simply obvious in my opinion- hospital are, in my head, the representation of sickness and death. Though many would argue good health, as that is the hospital's aim, I mainly see the dark side. I try to look on the bright side of most things, but hospitals are where I draw the line.

Luckily for me, I wasn't there to be seen myself. Ruki's thyroid gland has playing up again, causing his throat to swell. He's had the problem for years. He's never really truly explained it to me. After a while, the small details I caught from him placed together to make an idea… Though certain parts of it seemed to contradict each other. What I knew for sure was that it wouldn't kill him.  
With my boyfriend being the appearance-obsessed man he is, this problem was a catastrophe. Sitting moodily with a silver scarf wrapped round his neck, Ruki was fidgeting impatiently next to me, bouncing one knee on the other and biting his lip.

"Not long now, I'm sure…" I muttered, getting agitated myself.

Ruki's appointment was at 3:15 and yet it had turn 3:40 and we were both still sitting there with nothing to do but watch the clock tick by.

"So you keep saying" Ruki frowned "It's not a magic line, y'know. It's not like 'Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice'! The doctor isn't suddenly going to appear! Nothing will happen if you say it three times, idiot."

I chose wisely not to say anything towards his disgruntled reply. It seemed a safer action. I wasn't in the mood to see The Incredible Rulk come out if you excuse my geeky reference.

I kind want to watch the movie now… Quite badly…

Another 9 minutes of waiting, a nurse finally called Ruki's name.

"Matsumoto Takanori?"

Ruki grumbled but quickly got out of his seat. As much as he too hated hospital appointments, he was the kind of guy to force himself to get something over and done with. I yawned, leaning back in my chair, watching Ruki follow the bubbly black haired nurse out of sight. My eyes scoped the room. Luckily there wasn't any children, let alone any noise bawling ones. Just a pregnant woman looking rather anxious, an old European man, two men pacing on different sides of the room, an old man quietly snoring next to his book-reading wife, a young man with rash on his arms, and a teenaged couple fidgeting around and whispering. No one seemed very welcoming for a brief, time passing conversation until a familiar face stepped through the sliding doors.

The boy strolled up to the reception desk looking very uncomfortable, sleeves pulled over his hands. I heard him mumble away to the receptionist who looked him up in down with raised eyebrows. I cocked my head to one side in curiosity. I had been hoping to see him again. I just hadn't expected it to be today at a hospital…  
Once taking the instructions from the receptionist; Haru thanked her and turned round to the seating area. As I had hoped, he spotted me. A smile crept up his face just as a grin printed itself on mine. He came over, suddenly confident and looking a lot less uncomfortable. He plonked down in the seat next to me.

"Hey, Hitsugi" he grinned "What a surprise!"

"I know right?" I laughed "Very unexpected. What are you doing here?"

Haru twitched. "Just a quick check up, er, bad knee caps, ya'see…"

I nodded, deciding not to ask further questions. Haru quickly turned the question on to me.

"I'm here with my… My friend. He has hasn't been well and stuff" I lied with an obvious pause .

Well, it technically wasn't a lie… Ruki was a bit unwell and a boyfriend is a friend, right? Technically…  
I clenched my toes, unsure and uncomfortable with the understatement.

"I'm sorry to hear that" Haru looked at me with puppy dog eyes and a reassuring half smile.

I couldn't help but think he was particularly adorable. With his hands gloved between his thighs, Haru sat with his knees pressed together and his feet turning in. He looked so warm and safe, as if you could say anything and he'd look it away from the world. Part of me really wanted to wrap my arms round him and hold him close. The other part felt guilty of those thoughts.

"You must be a great friend then" Haru grabbed my attention once again "None of friends came with me and my brother couldn't…" He laughed half hearted.

I swallowed "What about your parents?"

"My dad has been dead for 10 years" he spoke bluntly "And my mother isn't really my mother."

I frowned, confused.

"It's a long story, but through no fault of her own she wasn't around in my childhood and she only really entered my life again a couple of years ago. She's more like… You know, that motherly neighbour than an actual mum"

I felt sad him, yet honoured for what he had said. Surely that should mean something, right? You don't really just tell anyone things like that. I was speechless to his story. It didn't seem to fit, in a way; someone like Haru having a past like that. I pictured him with a happy childhood and the kind of parents who egged him on to do what he wanted to do in life. I guess, I imagined him with my own childhood but glamourized.

I mouthed an 'oh' as my eyes moved to the floor.

"How's your band doing?" Was the first thing I thought to say.

"Well nothing has really changed in the three days since I saw you" Haru sniggered "Yourself?"

"Just finishing recording, really. We've got two more songs to record and then the album will be almost complete-"

"Awesome!" Haru cheered with a large grin "I'll be sure to buy it as soon as it comes out!"

"How about a free copy instead?" I grinned, his glee at my own achievement was utterly heart-warming.

"Really?!" Haru's eyes widened "Wow, you would really do that?"

"Of course"

Haru's smile stretched "I have to thank you somehow, I… Er…" he began to think, pursing his lips as he did so "Well, I'm having a party this weekend. I'd love for you to come if you can!"

I shuffled "I don't know about tha-"

"If you worried about not knowing anyone, don't worry! I'll stick with you. O-or if its people recognising you, just take your piercings out!"

"I've taken some out today" I traced my finger over the three piercings that remained in my mouth.

"I mean… Like, take them all out. Wear retainer piercings if it's comfortable but people will be less likely to recognise you"

I shrugged "I guess I could…" Seeing no other excuse, or at least none I wanted to vocalize.

"Great!" Haru cheered, I shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a red pen. He quickly began to scribble on it before ripping the page out and thrusting it in my face. "Here! It's my address and number!"

As I took paper and muttered thanks, the sound of a pair of familiar shoes clacking on the lino floor caught my attention. I whizzed round to see Ruki as he stopped about a foot away from me.

"Hits, I wanna go home now" was all he said, before his eyes moved onto Haru displeasingly. Haru clearly couldn't read faces well.

"Hey, you must be Hitsugi's friend" he beamed.

One of Ruki's eyebrows raised but he said nothing to him. Enough seconds passed to make Haru uncomfortable in Ruki's cold presence before my boyfriend finally made a sign of recognition. He grunted.

"Mitsuo, I want to go home _now_" he repeated impatiently.

I sighed and stood up, picking up my coat I had been sitting on.

"See you around Haru" I nodded.

Ruki grunted again and began to walk off in the direction of the exit.

"Bye" Haru mumbled, seeming bewildered.

"I'll phone you" I rushed out before quickly following a grumpy Ruki out the building.

The car ride home was just as cold as Ruki's greeting (if you could call it that) to Haru. The vocalist said nothing, sitting in the front passenger seat with folded arms and a disgruntled look on his face. Neither of us spoke until half way through the journey home. The radio had been playing at first, but Ruki had quickly switched it ok when Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's high voice blasted through the speakers. He really wasn't in the mood for happy, chirpy songs.

"What did they say?" I finally spoke, breaking the horrid silence.

"Medication is all" Ruki spat "And to keep away from dairy products and anything with high E Numbers and colourings. Like that's going to do something!" he snorted shaking his head.

"Can't do you any harm-"

"Whatever" Ruki mumbled through gritted teeth.

I focused back on the road. The drive really seemed to dragging awfully. It was quickly becoming unbearable. I really hate it when Ruki acts like this. He does it a lot but I've never got used to it. It's just unpleasant.

"So who was that boy? He's clearly young. Are you a pervert or something?"

I flinched. The comment sounded like playful derision but his voice seemed cruel and concerning.

"Excuse me?" was all I could think of to say, alarmed

"I was just wondering." Ruki shrugged, his voice was cold "He was sitting very close to you"

"He's a fan"

"I'm not surprised. He was peculiar looking. Like you" he snorted

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"Weirdos and weirdos. They go together."

"So you're not a weirdo?"

"I'm strangely alluring" Ruki flicked a strand of hair from his eyes "But I'm certainly not weird"

"So what am I?" I frowned, biting my tongue. This conversation was quickly making me agitated. It all seemed so out of the blue. Offensive.

"An utter weirdo" he spoke flatly

My hands squeezed the steering wheel tightly.

"So why are you with me?" I asked harshly. I asked it sarcastically but I knew he'd answer. I was dreading the reply without a second passing.

"I don't know"

My heart stopped

"Why are you with _me_?" He asked unexpectedly

"You tell me" I grumbled, feeling hurt and uncomfortable by the question.

Ruki laughed "I wonder that myself"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I spat as I dug my nails into the steering wheel.

Ruki paused, wetting his lips before his spoke.

"I guess… It's because we're very different people. Ying and yang… Black and white…"

"Maybe we complement each other"

"I like to think so" the singers voice seemed so much softer now, his volume lowered. "Hitsu…"

"Hmm?"

"If you were to leave me… What would be the reason?"

Seconds before, I wouldn't have believed it to be possible that I could be anymore taken aback by Ruki's speech. Somehow, I proved myself wrong. I didn't know what to say. It was a strange question and I didn't have an answer. How was I supposed to answer?

"I can't think of reason why I would" was all I could say. I wince as I noticed how harsh my voice was when I spoke such an answer to a rather delicate question.

"Would you leave me for someone else?"

I inhaled with closed eyes, chewing my tongue bar.

"I wouldn't know" I stared out in the now moving traffic in front of me "I can't predict the future" then something tweaked in my mind "Is this because of Haru? He's like 12! I was just being friendly"

"Looked more than friendly!"

"Why are you being like this? You never act like this when I'm with the band or out with mates-"

"Yeah, but your in a group"

"So?" the traffic was moving at a normal pace.

"So? You were alone with him!"

"I was in a bloody hospital waiting room! I wasn't in solitude with the guy"

"Excuses excuses"

"Oh shut up!" I yelled.

I took all my might to not stamp my foot on the brake just so I could reach over and strangely him in anger. My foot shook on the accelerator, causing the car to speed at an unsettled pace.

Ruki silent, stunned and bitter. I exhaled a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I did nothing to calm me.

"If I fucking leave you it will because of you!" I shouted at him in utter rage, my blood boiling beneath my skin "You fucking little selfish diva! I do so much for you and what do I fucking get? Fuck all is what!" I finally exploded "If I leave you, it will because I've had enough of putting up with your shit for almost 8 fucking years!"

"Stop the car" Ruki ordered.

I swerved out the fast lane, cars honking in fury as I did while other's brakes screamed as the desperately stopped themselves from crashing at my sudden movement. I guess I was lucky I didn't cause an accident. I stopped the car in a stop lane. We sat there for a moment, Ruki seeming as cool as a midsummers day while I panted in as emotions whizzed from my body. I swallowed and in a shaky, calmer voice I spoke again.

"I'm trying my best for you… And you act this." I felt hot tears build up behind my eyes. "I-I don't get it… Ru… I love you"

"Good" was Ruki's blunt, cold response as he climbed on the car. "Drive on" he demanded and slammed the door.

I watched him walk off. I didn't chase after him. I didn't call after him. I just watched him before placing my head on steering wheel as a single tear escaped the prison of my eye.

_**As this was all originally on , I would like to thank the following for their lovely comments.**_

_**Guest chapter 5 . Sep 8**_

_**I guessed it right! He didn't say I love you back. And DitPWO... interesting...**_

_**Guest chapter 3 . Sep 8**_

_**Ahh I love this. Sure they're not a popular pair, but they're so in-character that it seems so real. I love your writing! Keep it up!**_

_**Kaoru Sayuri Kamiya chapter 5 . May 18**_

_**Hey, thank you for the update !**_

_**It would be nice if Ruki can say the word Aishiteru to Hitsugi ! Poor him, but i can tell that walking around just for doing something, it is therapeutic, i mean really ! ;)**_

_**I guess you use to do it sometimes too ;)**_

_**Kaoru Sayuri Kamiya chapter 4 . Feb 14**_

_**Next chapter ? Like Hitsugi much more, even if i like it since, ...since the start i guess !**_

_**Kaoru Sayuri Kamiya chapter 3 . Feb 3**_

_**I feel like crying for Hitsugi right now... :( So sad... I don't know what to think, i'm just being to sad at the end of this chapter. It was a great chapter and i like it. Hope to hear from you very soon, since i'm in love with this fic !**_

_**Thx to you !**_

_**Guest chapter 2 . Jan 18**_

_**I'm really enjoying this and I hope you put up another one soon :3**_

_**Kaoru Sayuri Kamiya chapter 2 . Jan 15**_

_**Love this fic and the pairing with our Neko's great ! Thanks to you !**_

_**Thank you all! I hope you have this story to carry on reading! **_


	7. Haru's place

**Comment: I currently cannot BETA these chapters and I am truly sorry. If you would like to help out JrockSpam and BETA this chapter, please contact us. Thank you**

I laid on my bed alone and in deep thought.

I thought of Ruki. I thought of how he had hurt me. I thought of how I had abandoned him on the road side. How could I have done that? I left my boyfriend on the side of a fucking main road. Driving off was certainly not the right decision. I should of chased him down the road, begging him to get back in the god damn car. But I didn't. I allowed Ruki to walk off down a busy road while I safely drove off. When I got home, the guilt set in and I made an attempt at contact. I rang Ruki repeatedly but I never answered. After the fourth try, every call went straight to voice mail. I was worried, but I knew he must be okay.

I thought of Haru and his offer.

"I'm having a party this weekend. I'd love for you to come if you can!"

My hand crept into my pocket and pulled out the scrunched up piece of paper Haru had written on. I unfoldec it slowly, taking time to watch as every letter the young man had printed came to view one after the other. I liked his writting. Scribbly but sweet... I don;t know why I liked it. It just suited him. As I looked at the number a spark went off in my brain. My spare hand snatched the bedside phone from the hook and quickly began punching in the number, pressing dial before I could stop myself. Not that I wanted to. At that moment in time I didn't care about Ruki anymore . I'm not sure why I phoned Haru though. I had many people to phone. Friends over future arrangements, Yomi over a new song, not to mention my mother. And yet, I chose Haru; the funny little kid who had barely lived. He asked me to phone because of his little party but that was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to talk to him.

I pressed the phone hard against my ear, my heart racing.

Ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring bloody ring

ring ring bloody-

'Your call can not be answered at this time. Please leave a message af-'

I slammed the phone back on the hook and sighed. I rubbed my face with hands, pressing my fingers hard against my eye balls. I sighed again. As I curled myself in to a ball on my side, my eyelids began to feel heavy with fatigue. Sleep began to take over me as my body sunk down into my soft bed. Just as I had fully relaxed, I was disturbed.

The phone was ringing

It took me under a second to come to my sense and pounce on the phone, failing miserably as it slipped out my fingers and fell to the floor. I rushed to grab it, leaning all he way out of bed and stretching out my arms. I could hear a muffled voice from the phone as my fingers reached it. Pulled the cord and dragged it over to me, pressing it to my ear once again.

"Hello?" I practically grunted, using one hand on the carpet to stop me falling down and hitting my head.

"Hello? Is this Hitsugi?"

I began to kick my legs as I recognised the voice.

"Yeah" I tried to sound cool "This is Haru, right?"

"The one and only!" he giggled "Why'd you phone?"

He seemed his usual overaly estatic.

"Just wondering what you were up to" I said lamely

There was a pause

"Erm..." Haru seemed stunned for some reason "Nothing to be truthful" I began to wriggled myself back on the bed as I listen "Why?"

"Oh nothing just-" I dragged the rest of my body back on the matress "Just bored out my head is all"

Haru gave a nervous laugh. That sweet sound was followed by an awkward silence.

"Listen, erm..." I heard Haru swallow as he murmured "You know the party?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see.

"Well... A few of my friends complained... Cause they have work the day after... So..."

He paused again. I could hear him clicking his tongue on the other end of the phone.

"We've rearranged it for tonight."

"Oh" I sang, not sure what to say.

"Well... I was sure if you did want to come earlier but... If you're bored, maybe you'd enjoy it"

I smiled, ever to happy that he seemed so determined to have my presense at his party. I felt honoured and wanted; one of the most fantastic feelings in the world.

"Okay. What time?

Haru seemed so excited as he announced the time as 'nine'.

"You come earlier though! If you want!"

"Is it at the address you gave me?" I asked, fumbling with the paper in my hand.

"Yep yep! It's my address. You come round any time you like! I mean... er..."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was like an excited little child at its birthday party.

"I'll leave now if you want" I said as cool as cucumber... Is cucumber even cool?

"You don't have to..."

Awkward

"Well, I'll help you set up stuff... If there is anything"

"Yes! I need to put the tele in my bedroom. I'm, like, freaking out at the idea of a drunk smashing it"

I happily agreed in a calm fashion before bidding my fairwell and putting down the phone. I sat on the bed for a moment, feeling the feeling of glee washing over me like the sea. I could help but smile, playing with a piercing with my teeth. After bathing in happiness, I jumped off the bed and into the bathroom. I grabbed a hair brush and began to obsessively restyle my hair, one way to another. I was determined to go round Haru's looking respectable.

After an hour fixing my appareance to a state I was satisfied with, I ran down the stairs, grabbing my car keys. With a jump, I was out the door, quickly locking it in a hurry as I sped to the car. Before I knew it, I was half way through my journey with a speeding heart.

The first hour of being at Haru's wasn't very eventful. He made me a coffee and we sat on his apartment balcony chain smoking at chatting. Compared to other times I'd seen him, Haru seemed quite calm, talking slowly with a gentle smile on his face instead of a massive beam. Haru convinced me to take my piercings out, hiding them in the zipped pocket of my next hour was busy. I helped the small boy move things round, locking cabinets and even taking a glass table to his neighbour for safe keeping. Haru seemed uncomfortable having so many people in his house, especially drunk ones. He began to ramble his fears of things getting broken while looking worried round his living room. At the suggestion of alcohol to calm him, he didn't argue, throwiing me a can out the fridge as he grabbed a box of eight, now six, cans. We returned out side to drink and smoke. The more alcohol that ran through his systems, the easier the conversations got.

Though the party was set to start at nine, several people had already turned up at eight thirty. By this time, any social discomforts were almost inpossible for me, as I greeted random people with compliments to start conversations.  
'Awesome hair, dude!'  
'Nice contacts! Day ones of 30 days?'  
'Love the shirt! X Japan is a favourite of mine!'  
I found myself dancing with Haru like little kids, screaming out X Japan's lyrics as their songs played. It wasn't long until other guests joined in happily. I didn't know their names, but at that moment, we were all best friends having the greatest of fun. Best of all, they didn't recogise me. I couldn't have been more happy as I drank and drank like there was no tomorrow. I felt like I was young again. Well, younger. 28 isn't old is it? it's getting there I guess. I felt like I was 20 and getting wasted with the band and some random friends. Just like the old days. We still get drunk and party, but not together. I have my friends and they have theirs. They've matured more than me, excusing Yomi.

With my eighth can empty, I stumbled the over flowing black plastic bag that had been desinacted as the bin and chucked the can into it. I weaved my way through people to the fridge. As I grabbed another can, I felt something bump against my hip. I shot up straight in alarm, feeling uncomfortable due to the contact.

"Sorry!" me and the other person said in sync.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I stared at the beautiful woman who stood before me, eyes glued to mine. Wavy brown hair fluttered down her back, cascading the her shoulders of her light blue baby-doll style dress.

Like our apology, we gave a nervous laugh at the same time.

"Hi..." She slurred, clearly tipsy already "I'm Yuri" she held out her hand in greeting.

My stunned body paused, frozen, before finally shaking out to reach for her hand.

"Hits-" I stopped, thinking quickly "Hits. Just Hits" I smiled hopefully.

Yuri stared at me, holding my hand firming.

"Interesting" She said flatly. She slowly released my hand. "You know, you remind me of someone..."

I swallowed

"I can't quite put my finger on it..."

"Someone out of an anime? I get that a lot!" I smiled, trying to as cool as ice.

Yuri hummed but said nothing, staring at me intently.

"You're cute" she finally said, reaching into the fridge and grabbing a bottle of neat vodka.

She twisted the lid off briskly an bought the bottle to her lips. I raised an eyebrow as she glugged down three large gulps of the dry liquid, before releasing it from her lips, a disgusted look on her face. She shivered and inhaled deeply.

"So" she shook a strand of hair from her face as she screwed the lid back on "Tell me about youself. How do you know Haru?"

"Random actually. Literally bumped into him on the street! Sent us both flying to the ground" I laughed "We got talking and, well, there you go"

Yuri smiled "That's sweet. We met at a show a while back"

"Who'd ya see?"

"Each other!" Yuri giggled "Our bands we both performing. We got talking and ended up going to a bar."

"Oh, you're in a band? Whats the name?"

"Irokui" Yuri smiled. "Doubt you heard of us"

"No, no, I have" I lied "Seen you in magazines"

"I take it you like visual kei too?"

"Like it? I love it! Visual kei is my life!"

I lost myself in conversation with Yuri so easily. We chatted and laughed over our similarities. We end up sitting next to each other of Haru's sofa, completely ignoring all the dancing drunks that stumbled in front of us. Haru himself was one of them, jumping all over a skinny blonde guy like a little monkey, cackling as he did so, spilling his beer on the floor.

The party went on until the early hours of the morning. By 3, most of the people had left, driven home in groups of 5 by the appointed driver for the night or to stumble home in the rain. Haru went to bed at half past, his band mate Mizuki was passed out on his bedroom floor. The singer didn't seem bothered, closing the door. Before he had headed off, the drunken man had said to be and Yuri, still wide awake, that we could stay if we so wished. We agreed, both of us too drunk to get home. Once Haru's bedroom door was closed, Yuri quietly giggled.

"He's such a cute drunk! Look at how he stumbles"

I pouted

"Aren't I a cute drunk?" I said sadly, all for humour and not really hurt.

"Of course you are!" Yuri flung her arms round my neck "You're adorable!"

We giggled at each other, our eyes locked. As I started in to the beautiful glittering brow orbs, Yuri's large smiled relaxed. Slowly, both knowing what to without a word said, our lips locked in a passionate kiss. With barely a thought, my arms wrapped them selves round Yuri's waist and pulled her closer to me. She moaned into the kiss as her hands drifted to my belt. She tugged clumsily until the hook released, exposing my jean button and zip. As she released me from the prison of my lower clothes, I drifted my hand up her skirt, running my finger over a tender part of her sex. She shivered but did not stop her actions. Our kiss broke and I drifted my lips to her neck and began to suck and bite out my sexual tension. she moaned again, pushing down my jeans, leaving my underwear. As I whipped my tongue over her neck, she pulled my sexual organ out into view and began to play in gentle way that made my body tingle with anticipation. Yuri pulled away from me, standing up an slipping her hands up the side of her skirt. Within a blink of an eye, she pulled down her lace panties and disgarded them on the floor. She straddled my lap, grabbing my penis and aiming it beneath her. I bucked my hips and entered her, my member unprotected but my bloto mind didn't even realise. At that moment I only knew of one thing and that was the animalistic act of sexual intercourse and nothing would stop me from feeling her around me as she rode her way to a pleasure.

The act was short, all a blur now. I remember watching her, listening intently to her moans of pleasure. I can't even remember cumming, only her laughing at her drenched thighs. I still cringe at the thought. I remember her asking me 'How was that?' and me laughing and saying it was good. I'm not sure when I finally slept. One thing I know for sure was that I woke the next morning with sore hips, alone in Haru's living room and wearing only my shirt and boxers. I could hear the young singer snoring in the next room. I peeled my boxers from my skin and found the source of the page. A weeping red friction burn on each side was the cause. I hissed as I touched the sore area, instantly regretting. I bit my lip and struggled up. Clumsly and reluctantly, I pulled on my jeans, almost falling over twice. I must have made some noise as Haru appeared in his bed room door way just as I was doing up my belt.

"Hey..." he slurred with a small smile. "alrigh'?"

"Yeah man. Dizzy!" I laughed half hearted.

Haru sighed, stumbling out his room with a yawn. He asked me if I was staying for breakfast but I politely declined, announcing I had to be home. Haru didn't argue, allowing me to leave with only the promise to meet up at a pub in a couple of days.

"Of course I will!" I had smiled "Sounds like fun!"

As sick and vile as I felt, I drove home, finding it dizzy to concentrate. Even so, I arrived home in one piece. I stumbled to my from door and rummaged in my pocket for my keys. As soon as I opened the door, I heard the sound of stamping feet getting louder and louder. I entered the hall and closed the door just as a familiar angry face appeared in view. It's body stood with a straight spine in the entrance to the living room. Ruki, wearing nothing but a black best, floaty net top with bell sleeves and some blue boxes, scowled at me. He said nothing, just glaring into my brown orbs before snorting and turning away and heading back into the living room. I swallowed and gingerly walked to the door way staring into out red and white living room. A tuft of brown locks peeped over the edge of the sofa.

"Aren't you going to compliment my hair?" my lover said, as if he knew.

I was confused.

"You haven't done anything to it" was the wrong thing to say.

Ruki whizzed round on the sofa, hauling himself up the back to look at me.

"I bleached my roots, duh" he scoffed.

I gritted my teeth. Its hard to notice things like this. As soon as a bit of his natural black hair becomes noticed by the vocalist, he grabs the bleach fixes it. Ruki isn't one to allow himself to look a wreck.

He frowned and got off the sofa, walking towards me. He breathed in.

"You smell like sweat... and disgrace" he announced in a monotone.

"Surprise, surprise. Most alcoholics do" I smirked

"You're lying"

Before I got argue, a sharp pain hit my cheek. I gasped. Ruki remained with his flat palm high, gritted his teeth.

"You fucking little cheat-"

"Ruki, it wasn't like that-"

He hit me again, hard across the other cheek. I felt my face flush.

"Taka, I promise you I didn't mean to! I was drunk and angry and, I..." My words left me as I stared in to Ruki's face.

Anger had left the vocalists face and had been replaced by hurt and glass-like eyes.

"I'm so sorry" I breathed, feeling tears fill up my eyes "I don't know why I did it. I really wish I could undo things... I love you. I really do. I just..." I sighed "I was drunk and... And I-"

Ruki gave a short, quiet laugh

"Why don't you just go fuck someone in the pub? Because that's what you seemed to do now" he muttered.

He stepped round me, purposely knocking me hard in the shoulder. The joint clicked, making me cringe. I whizzed round and grabbed Ruki by the shoulder. The man grabbed my wrist, nails digging in, and tore my hand away.

"Don't touch me! You sick... Cunt!" He spat, face full of fury once more "Go fuckah whore!"

I held a poker face as I stepped closer to Ruki, the sound of my feet on the floor boards was the only sound. I waited until I was right up close, almost nose to nose, to him before I stopped. Our eyes met in two battling icy stares.

"It would be a more affectionate fuck than I've ever had out of you" I hissed.

Ruki slapped me again, harder. His hand flew straight to my cheek. Hitting me so hard I almost feel backwards. I slowly turned my head back to him, my hair in my eye sight.

"You disgust me" Ruki spat.

I saw tears swell in his eyes. He turned away, clearly hoping I hadn't noticed.

"Get out..." He whispered.

"Ru-"

"GET OUT!" He screamed grabbing me by the shirt and attempting to throw me towards the hall "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

I could hear out dogs crying from the top of the stairs, watching in fright at their masters.

"Fine!" I yelled, ripping the door open and stomping out, still fighting my tears.

"DON'T EVER COME BACK!" he heard him yell before the loud slam of the door.

I didn't stop walking away.  
I didn't turn back.

It wasn't anger that made me do this. I just didn't want him to see my cry.

I really am a complete fool.


End file.
